What follows is a speech given by Myriam Francois-Cerrah on the problems with feminism as it is viewed from the lense of white middle-class women. Being a white, middle-class woman, a feminist, and a Muslim it feels strange to reblog this. But as Francois-Cerrah says, “If it takes my white privilege to amplify this message, at least it will have served one positive purpose in the broader struggle for human equality”.
Author: Corbin
Theresa Corbin is an indoor-sy type who holds a BA in English Lit and an Master's of Library and Information Science. She has lots of opinions and more work experience than cats have lives. Corbin has been a teacher, office manager, hemodialysis tech, fundraiser, designer, interfaith and inter-cultural bridge builder, public speaker, researcher, editor, and writer. Her hero is Elastigirl for obvs reasons. Corbin is a socially poised introverted and HSP. Her hobbies include thinking, giving unsolicited advice, and putting her phone on silent.
Missing Muhammad
I have been walking around the past few days in a serious funk, wondering what was bringing me down. I had been attributing it to the news.
I woke up Wednesday to the news of 3 beautiful, intelligent, young Muslims murdered in their home by an Anti-theist who hypocritically claimed religion is the source of violence and hatred in the world.
On Thursday, I researched a case of a mosque burning in Ohio in 2012 where the criminal who set the blaze claimed he never met a Muslim and did not know what Islam was beyond what he heard on Fox News and talk radio.
Then I came upon a story where a women murdered a fellow human being by pushing him in front of an oncoming subway because, as she said, “I pushed a Muslim off the train tracks because I hate Hindus and Muslims ever since 2001 when they put down the twin towers I’ve been beating them up.” Her conflating of the two vastly different faiths shows her obvious ignorance.
Just this morning, I read news of an Islamic community and education center in Houston, TX that has burned down (it is not known yet if this was an accident or a hate crime). And I read about the murder of a 15 year old Muslim in Kansas at the hands of a man who harassed and taunted him for his faith.
I read several posts in my Facebook news feed over the past few days of Muslim women being insulted and harassed.
These crimes against humanity lay at the feet of Muslim Extremists, White supremacists, Christian Extremists, Fox News Talking heads, Talk radio bigots, Islamophobes, Anti-theists, and anyone who spreads hate and cheers in the face of lost lives and violence. It is my hope that these crimes will make them lose sleep and in the process lose their insane ideologies.
It is a distinctly sinking and sickening feeling to know that people hate you, want to see you suffer, want to kill you … people who don’t even know you. It is horrifying knowing that the media and well-organized and well-funded groups are implicit in twisting my religion and spreading lies to create this hatred of me and my people. It is most terrifying knowing that some weak-minded and uneducated Muslims play into this twisting of Islam and perpetuate these lies!
But still, this was not entirely the source of my melancholy.
Media lies and dehumanization of Muslims is nothing new. Islamophobes and their dark hearts have campaigned to distort my faith and defame me, my brothers, and sisters since the 7th century. Muslim ignorance and intolerance has been rife since Muslim majority lands have been torn apart, colonized, and continually destabilized by Western powers. And I have lived knowing these facts for more than 13 years.
However, the funk I was in took a different shape when I watched a lecture on YouTube by Nouman Ali Khan, a bright scholar of Quran and the Arabic language. While watching his lecture, I realized that nothing that will happen to the Muslims will be worse than the death of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH-peace be upon him).
I realized I was mourning the loss of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), a man I knew so well, but had never met. Yes, I had been depressed because of the lost lives and fear my community is facing. But also because in this time of crisis we will never again have Muhammad (PBUH) to lead us with the ultimate wisdom and mercy he came with.
It was the guidance from God that I missed. It was the man God sent with a smile and a sense of humor that I missed. I missed urgently and deeply a man I had never met.
And now, as I write this, I realize that we have his legacy. We still have God’s guidance sent through Muhammad (PBUH). And we can pick up were he left off. We can do our best to do as Muhammad did.
(from an article I wrote for OnIslam.net)
We can be honest like him
He was known as Al-Sadiq (the Truthful) and Al-Amin (the Faithful) among all that knew him—even his enemies.
When the Qaiser of Rome received a letter from Muhammad (peace be upon him) inviting the Qaiser to Islam, he asked Abu Sufyan about Muhammad. Abu Sufyan, who at the time was a staunch opponent of Muhammad’s message, said:
“Muhammad is nobly born; is honest and truthful, and has never broken a pledge. He enjoins his followers to worship none but One God and to pray to Him alone. He preaches kindness, piety and, tolerance towards all. And his followers are on the increase.”
This man was so honest that even his enemies called him the honest and the truthful. We can be like this too.
We can be protective like him
Muhammad (peace be upon him) lost his father before he was born and his mother at an early age, an experience that left a lasting impression on him. Having been vulnerable at an early age, he advocated for the good treatment of those who are vulnerable in society. He would attend to the needs of the indigent and the widowed. He took care of the orphans, and recommend others to do the same.
The Prophet said:
“The one who looks after and works for a widow and for a poor person is like a warrior fighting for Allah’s cause.” (Al-Bukhari, 6006)
“The best house among the Muslims is one where an orphan is well treated, and the worst house among the Muslims is one where an orphan is badly treated.” (Ibn Majah, 3679)
We can be good to the widowed, orphaned, the homeless, and the helpless in society. Nothing is stopping us but our selves.
We can seek justice like he did
Muhammad was an advocate for blind justice. He said:
“Assist your Muslim brother, whether he be an oppressor or oppressed.”
And when a companion of the Prophet asked:
“But how shall we do it when he is an oppressor?”
Prophet Muhammad replied:
“Assisting an oppressor by forbidding and withholding him from oppression.” (Al-Bukhari, 2444)
Here is a man who told people to be loyal to justice first even if it means witnessing against your own self. We too can reignite this revolutionary thinking- and end bigotry, racism, sectarianism and so much more.
We can be honorable like him
Muhammad (PBUH) treated women with dignity and told his followers to do the same.
He never lifted a hand against a woman. He never lost his temper with a woman. He sought advice from women and advocated for women’s rights and their good treatment.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told his followers:
“Only an honorable man treats women with honor and integrity. Only a mean, deceitful, and dishonest man humiliates and insults them.”
Muhammad (PBUH) left an example to men and women alike. He emphasized the need to respect each other as full and actualized human beings.
We can be patient like him
Muhammad (PBUH) told us “The strong person is not the good wrestler. Rather, the strong person is the one who controls himself when he is angry”. This is an inspiration. We can claim self-control for ourselves as the only true strength.
Through learning about the legacy of his behavior, teachings, compassion, strength, and mercy; I learned how amazing a human being could be.
I learned what it means to love and respect someone I would never meet in this life. And I missed Muhammad. I still miss him, but I seek comfort in knowing that I and my brothers and sisters can and do strive to live his legacy.
Quran 25:63 And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace.”
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More Fears Western Muslims Face
Last time we spoke about what Western Muslims fear, we all had a good laugh. Then many people added to the list. And I had to agree. The list of complexes and paranoias Western Muslims suffer from can go on and on for days. So I have wrangled up some more fears of the Western Muslim. Let the games begin!
7. The Opposite Sex Handshake Prospect
The prospect of being in a situation where the hand of the opposite sex it shoved in your direction makes many a Muslims’ palms sweaty. In the West, the hand shake is a sign of professionalism or even mutual respect.
The keen Muslim knows this and doesn’t want to offend the person attached to the hand. But at the same time s/he does not want to unlawfully touch someone of the opposite sex- Islamically speaking, you don’t touch those not closely related to you. It’s a respect thing.
So, many Western Muslims constantly sweat over what to do. How does one handle the fall out of refusing a hand shake? You don’t want to be know as the rude prude. On the other hand (pun intended), how does one handle (another pun intended- I could do this all day!) the fall out of feeling like s/he has sinned. You don’t want to be a bad example or a sell out. MuslimGirl.net offers some solid advice here.
6. The Dog Saliva Vigilance
Some Muslims are afraid of dogs for no good reason- insert cultural hang up here. And then there are those Muslims who love dogs and think of them as their children- insert endless Facebook pics of pet here.
Somewhere in between these groups are Muslims who like dogs but know that their saliva is considered unclean (think about what the dog licks and you can understand why).
So when the Muslim who understands the nasty situation in dogs’ mouths meets a friendly, lick-happy dog, he comes to a crossroads. In order to pet and play with the cute pup, he/she will have to spend the whole time clocking the dog’s tongue’s location. The vigilance is tiresome. Why can’t dogs learn to keep their tongues to themselves?
5. Eavesdropping into Infamy Paranoia
This paranoia descends on a Muslim who is convinced the CIA or FBI is eavesdropping on her/his cell. So she/he fears the moment when she/he is on the phone talking to her/his mom, spouse, friend; forgets about the tap; and starts whining, singing, burping or what have you.
The fear is that the FBI (or whatever gov. agency is into wire taps these days) will take the opportunity to record the humiliating behaviour, auto-tune her/his voice to some preposterous song, and put it on YouTube. And there he/she will live in infamy.
4. Condemnation Reflex-Complex
This situation develops when the Muslim’s reflex to condemn anything and everything bad that happens becomes so strong that it resembles a type of Tourette’s. When s/he should just get the iCondemn app.
3. Alcohol-anoia
Here we have a relatively popular paranoia among Western Muslims. It resembles swine-o-phobia in that the Muslim is vigilant and at times paranoid about having any alcohol (for swine-o-phobia, it involves pork ingredient) in their food, drink, or oral hygiene products because … well … it does happen to be in all vanilla extract, some ice creams, non-stick cooking sprays, most mouth washes and toothpastes. I could go on.
This results in lingering in aisle at the grocery store, pouring over ingredients lists, studying different names of alcohol ingredients, and can even lead to badgering waiters about all the ingredients in the menu at any given restaurant.
2. Beach awkwardness
This is an intense feeling of awkwardness that involves beaches, but can be extended to any body of water. It occurs when the average hijab wearing Muslim lady wants to go to the beach on any given gorgeous day. But she knows that she will be the center of curiosity for her modesty even though she is certainly not the most absurdly dressed person on the beach.
1. Fox News
Do I really need to explain this one?
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islamwich’s 2014 in Review
Written by Theresa Corbin
As we face the end of the Gregorian calender year, I find myself thinking it wasn’t enough time. Somehow this year was shorter than all the previous years. And those previous years were shorter than their predecessors, and so on in an ever shorter year-scape.
But mostly, I think that I just get slower as the years pass. Or lazier. It is hard to say which, and collecting the data to determine whether I am slower of just lazier seems like too much work.
So as a tribute to a year that has passed too quickly, let us remember with fondness some stuff that went down here on islamwich.
We made some new friends!
We collaborated with other bloggers.
We started discussing the serious stuff with our “Take Back Islam” series.
We raised money for good causes in Ramadan with our “Ramadan Giving” series.
We tried out bylines … But they annoyed everyone, so we 86’d them. YOLO!
We protested the assault on Gaza. And we continue to protest the occupation.
We shared some recipes– and rewrote some to make them halal.
CNN brought a lot of traffic our way.
We demystified some Quran.
We tried our hand at humor. We complained about culture clash and promoted understanding. We wondered when we would ever get over our Pinterest addiction (never! why would we?). And we did so much more. But still, it seems as if we were short on time.
What’s to come in 2015?
Look for more guest posts- written by those with different perspective on the Muslim ‘merican experience.
Look for me, Corbin, on Bela Hodood (“without frontiers”) on Al-Jazeera in January.
Come on down South to the beautiful city of Memphis were I will be giving a speech entitled “An Open Invitation to Understanding Islam and the Muslims” in March. Update: too late! But you can watch it here.
Stay tuned for more of my serious series “Take Back Islam” and foolhardy attempts at comedy, more narratives from Siam, more fun and friendly lists from Lawrence, and more islamwich beautification from Elmasry.
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A Lesson Learned from Omar
Written by Theresa Corbin
It is a hard story for me to talk about for many reasons. It brings back bad memories and puts me and my family in a suspect light. But I know that people can benefit from the lesson of Omar Hammami’s journey and death.
It is a cautionary tale.
Many people try to paint him with broad strokes. The FBI called him one of their most wanted. CNN called him a Jihadist rapper. Fellow jihadis call him a hero: those were the same people that later killed him. He called himself Abu Mansoor al-Amriki.
To me, Omar Hammami was a kid. I met him when I was first introduced to my husband to be. In those days my husband, Omar, and a few other convert brothers travelled together in a pack. Omar, while one of the youngest pack members, was often the loudest and most energetic.
A scraggly-bearded teenager in thobes, Omar was a frequent guest in my home where he would chat for countless hours with my husband, share meal with us, and on occasion eagerly offer his help when we were in a bind. He was a good friend to my husband and me.
But in his experiences from Alabama to Somalia, Omar became the perfect mix of an impassioned, angry and frustrated young man.
Read the rest of my article at OnIslam.net to find out how Omar fell prey to radical ideals, joined a terrorist organization and was murdered by that same organization, and why it matters.
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Advice for Young, Marriage-Minded, Muslim Men
Howdy, folks. This week on islamwich, we have a special guest writer- Brother Abu Taurab. Abu Taurab is a Southerner who converted to Islam at the ripe old age of 16. He now spends his days working in the renewable energy field and his nights making gourmet meals for his wife and hanging with his two gorgeous children- ages 3 and 18. Abu Taurab is here to share some of his wisdom about getting married.
Written by Abu Taurab
Growing up as a teenager in a small, tight-knit Muslim community in the South (of the US) there were four of us young mosque rats from the area, two converts (me included) and two born into Muslim families. The small community had its pros and cons. On the one hand, all of us young men were close and encouraged each other to do good. We really stuck together. On the other hand, when it came time to get married, opportunities were slim.
All of us ended up searching far and wide for partners. The journey to marriage varied in difficulty for each of us as did the continued journey. Here is some unsolicited advice on getting married that I gleaned from our groups’ mistakes experiences:
1. Covert Relationships
There is a very good reason we are supposed to stay away from flings with members of the opposite sex. Dating sucks. It involve intense emotions, potential for offspring, and monetary loss; things that should never mix without a contract protecting all involved. I have seen religious friends become caught up obsessed with a member of the opposite sex. They created secret email accounts and shared the login and password, saving messages to each other in the drafts folder. It’s the kind of OP-SEC you expect to see in spy drama.
Don’t fool yourselves, getting emotionally involved with someone means you are walking a thin line. I have not met many people who actually ended up marrying that same person with whom they shared secret missives in the night. Keep in mind, that other person will probably end up marrying someone else. Protect your honor and her honor and just don’t.
2. Parental Road Blocks
Be patient. I have seen many parents stand in the way of their children getting married, demanding that they finish school
first. If this is true for you, this is not because your parents are not religious and that they don’t care about whether or not you commit zina (unlawful sexual relations), as is often assumed. Give them the benefit of the doubt. They are older and wiser. They want to make sure you are able to provide for your family. Of course, the provision is from Allah but the effort is from us. That effort means preparing yourself for a career or profession.
How often do you think your wife will want to get busy if you are homeless and starving? Trust me from personal experience, marriage is hard enough without worrying about where you will get your next meal or how you will pay rent.
Now there are extreme situations, emphasis on extreme, where a parent will not let their child get married no matter what, in which case it is a different story. If you are in this situation, then seek out the counsel of your imam or another elder in your community whom you and others trust.
3. Wali Woes
Do things the right way. Make sure the father or wali (family representative) of your intended partner is on board. Back room dealings leave important people in the dark and that usually gets messy. When marriage is on the table, you are not just marrying a person,you are becoming a part of their family. If you don’t show respect to her family as well as yours, how do you think future relations will be? It is a recipe for strained Eid gatherings and Aqiqah (celebration for newborns) weirdness, among other things.
Remember that your future wife’s wali is not trying to control her life, in all likelihood he wants what is best for her (and so should you) and is looking out for her interests. You may be able to charm the girl, but the wali will be able to keep some sense about him.
4. Looking for a Looker
Marry for religion and not looks. Many a brother is looking for a highly educated, super model and gourmet chef who has memorized Quran and wears full niqab (face veil). But how often does the same brother measure up to those impossible standards? Not often if ever. Yes, a man should be attracted to his wife and vice versa. But for all of us, the beauty of youth will fade. And a woman with beautiful iman (faith) will always be beautiful.
The honeymoon phase eventually ends and you want to be with someone who will fear Allah (taqwa) and be good to you even when they are not happy with you. Trust me, there have been times when my wife would have shanked me if it wasn’t for taqwa. I don’t know about you, but I personally don’t want to be in a marriage that has prison rules.
Most importantly, once you do get married, forget all the crap that other young, unmarried brothers told you about marriage. She is NOT your slave and baby maker, but rather a partner and a potential best friend. Respect her, be good to her, and be gentle. Overlook her faults and mistakes and especially her bad hair days. She is trying just like you. Remember, in the end you both have the same ultimate goal … Making it to Jennah (paradise).
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Annoying/Amazing Things about The Muslim Husband
Written by Theresa Corbin
Hey, fart faces (I use this term in the most loving way imaginable), I have been working on a very scientific study about marriage dynamics in an Islamic relationship (that mostly involves me thinking of stuff that goes on in my marriage and my cohorts’ marriages). And I have come up with a list of some aggravating and awesome things that come about when you marry a (religious) Muslim man.
Submitted for your approval, j/j submitted for my own amusement:
The Annoying Stuff
1. The Fart Fear
Ever since the first fart of the marriage-you can’t recall who broke the seal, but it happened, and all hell broke loose-you have a very distinct fear. It is irrational, but still haunts the Muslim wife Fajr to Isha (prayer times). It is the fear that his farting on you while on the couch or in the kitchen, or anywhere really, will extend to prayer times, since you stand directly behind him as he bends over and kneels, aiming his biological warfare directly at you.
It is irrational because prayer is probably the only time any Muslim man will do his best to keep it in the chamber. But still it is possible. And for that, many smart Muslim wives fear the fart and move their prayer rugs behind and to the side- out of mushroom cloud range.
2. Thinking Going to the Masjid is a “date”
You know the convo. You say: Honey, we haven’t been out in a while. What do you say we have a date night? Then he responds: We went out just last week. Remember? We went to the masjid for that awesome lecture. I don’t know about you, but I do not consider sitting in separate parts of a building, listening to a religious lecture, a date. But he does. How Romantic!
3. Finding Beard Hairs in Random Places
It is pretty gross to wake up and pour a delectable bowl of Fruit Loops only to find your man has been there. He has left one gross strand of face hair in your cereal bowl. The best part of waking up is NOT a beard hair in your cup (sung to the tune of the Folgers Coffee jingle).
4. Wudu Water EVERYWHERE!
Wudu or ablution is a big part of the Muslim man’s (and woman’s) life especially if he farts like I am pretty sure he does. He must be in a state of ritual purity to perform his 5 daily prayers (if one farts or goes potty, one has broken the state of purity and must make wudu). The problem is, come wudu time, he acts like he has been challenged by an ice bucket. And the bathroom counter, floor, and mirror bear the brunt of the water torture.
5. Perpetual Love Goggles
This is similar to beer goggles that leads a man to believe a woman is more beautiful than she is when the eye of the beholder has had “one too many”. In the case of the Muslim man, the phenomenon happens when a man follows the dictates of the Quran about not ogling women. Your Muslim man does not check out women or compare them to you.
This can result in him never noticing when you gain weight, break out, or generally look like a hot mess. He thinks that
you are the most beautiful women at the end of the day when all he has looked at are (usually old and fat) dudes. The problem with this is that you really have no idea how you look and your sense of self worth becomes inflated. Not to mention how gross and mushy it is.
The Awesome Stuff
1. Perpetual Love Goggles
Your Muslim man does not check out women or compare them to you.
He thinks that you are the most beautiful women at the end of the day when all he has looked at are dudes. The inevitable result is that you really have no idea how you look and your sense of self worth becomes inflated!
2. He Smells Good
If women are the fairer sex, then men are the smellier sex. Don’t deny it. It’s science. But the great thing about a Muslim man is that he must wash his hands, arms, ears, feet, face and freshen his hair in order to pray. That wudu that left the bathroom looking like New Orleans after Katrina, has also left the Muslim man fresh and less smelly than the average bear. The Muslim man is also encouraged- as a religious tradition -to wear cologne, leaving your Muslim man smelling so fresh and so clean.
3. He Puts Up with Your Hair in Everything
When you wear hijab, something interesting happens. All of your shedding has to happen at home (the hijab keeps it contained and builds up the shedding potential). Once the hijab is removed and the bun is unfurled, the games begin. Your hair, that would have fallen out where ever you go, ends up all over your home: in shoes, on pillows, clinging to clothing fresh out of the dryer, in the cat’s mouth …
But he doesn’t complain about it like you do about his beard hairs in your cereal bowl. He understands.
4. Having a Ride or Die Homie
Having a Muslim husband means that you have someone who you know has got your back, someone who will conspire evil midnight doughnut runs with you during Ramadan (or any time really), someone who will warn you of hidden pork at your favorite restaurant, someone who will call up the brothers to come down and take care of anyone who disrespects you, even if they do roll up on their tricycles.
5. Having a prayer buddy
It is nice to hang with someone who knows you schedule your life around prayer and not prayer around your life. This is especially useful in the winter months when days are short and prayers come in almost every other hour and you want to plan a matinee movie around prayer times. Or when you are travelling and one of you takes look out while the other pops out a few rakat.
Much respect to all the Muslim husbands out there who strive to be the best to their wives.
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