Malaprops happen. Malaprop (noun): the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect.
In fact, I have run into many intelligent people who malaprop all over the place. “Arachnids” have become ARK-a-nides (A ship filled with pheasants?). And “hyperbole” has been known to sound more like HYPER-bowl (a Super Bowl for ADHD sufferers?). These malaprops are happening all over the place. To smart people. It’s pandemic. And it’s hilarious.
Malaprops of “Muslim” words are happening with great frequency here in the West. We Westerners are just not used to the interesting ways in which Arabic demands to be spoken by every part of the mouth, tongue, and throat. And because our Western tongues and ears are unaccustomed to linguistic acrobatics (we are lazier in our lingua), malaprops happen. And they are hilarious.
Here are a few I have come across and what happens when wily words go wrong.
Mushroom=Mahram
A mahram is a male relative tasked with protecting and providing for his female relatives. A woman’s father, brother, uncle, etc. are her mahrams. But, my brother wanted to know why I was calling him my mushroom.
It all started when I wrote about my Islamic experience, and a major news network picked up the “story”. I spoke about my journey and what I learned beyond just myths. I spoke about how we can defeat hate if we dispel ignorance.
And that pissed quite a few people off. My truth contradicted the lies haters/Islamophobes/self-described ‘infidels’ tell themselves. And their attack of me began, and hasn’t ended to date. Because how dare I promote peace and understanding? How dare I!
So I spent a lot of time being hurt, traumatized, and heart-broken because I am a human being and have actual feelings. After thousands of tweets, messages, emails, comments from people calling me every name in the book and wishing me every manner of harm, I realized it’s not important. Getting angry or fighting back about who I am just doesn’t matter. It’s not about me. And I still struggle with this. The ego is a hard thing to keep in check.
But when people lie about Islam, it is a problem.
I have seen this really ignorant meme with my face and quote on it floating around twitter for sometime now and I feel it is high time I correct its ignorance because it is not about me. It is about Islam.
I cannot be quiet when Islam is slandered. I cannot stand for that.
Likewise, I will not stand with any Muslim who claims to follow Islam when they mean plain ole misogyny. While the claims in the meme are not true about Islam, they are true actions from some who call themselves Muslim. And that, to me, is even worse than non-Muslims lying about Islam. I cannot ignore that. I will not stand for that either!
Read more about my journey to Australia to speak out against Muslim misogynists here.
Update: After some research, I have found that I was incorrect about the stoning of the married adulterer. This can be found in authenticated hadith and is the punishment for both a man or a woman who commits adultery while married. I have changed the graphic to reflect this. Thanks to Stephanie Siam for keeping me on my toes and always pushing me toward correct knowledge.
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Much has been written about who speaks for Islam. There’s thisbook, cleverly entitled Who Speaks for Islam, by Dr. Esposito and Dalia Mogahed that discusses this exact topic. There isthis recent Pathoes blog post that tackles the topic as it pertains to Americans.
It is an interesting topic since there is no longer a central figure in Islam, thanks 1924 Turkish Republic. JK, we all know it was colonialism.
But I think it is also important to talk about who does NOT speak for Islam. Since it seems every (specifically non-Muslims) one in this anti-Muslim political landscape feels the need to talk about Islam, doing so without even knowing the first thing about the faith.
The tipping point for me was when I read that one of Trump’s crony’s told CNN that, “Islam is traced patrilineally. I am a Muslim if my father is Muslim,” speaking about the conspiracy theory that President Obama is a Muslim.
I don’t care what conspiracy you ascribe to, but this statement is categorically untrue and ignorant. If this were true of any faith, literally no one would be a follower of anything since its all starts with converts. Faith is not in your DNA, even though many never question the faith they inherit from their fathers.
But the need to talk about this topic has been building for a while. I find it absurdly arrogant and patronizing when non-Muslims feel the need to explain Islam to actual Muslims. It is a version of whitesplaining called Islamsplaining , and it’s exhausting.
So here is a list the kinds of people who often speak their ignorance about Islam without any authority or basis to do so. If you have listened to any of these sources about Islam, considered your information wildly inaccurate.
The Couch Theologian:
This person has never studied theology in any capacity, usually doesn’t even know much about his or her own faith. But s/he reserves the right to market him/herself as an expert on Islam because s/he watches the news. Because we allllll know that modern Middle Eastern politics is the end all be all of Islamic scholarship (insert massive eye roll here).
The True (meme) believer:
This person read a meme once and now believes s/he knows enough about a 1,400 year old faith to be an expert on the topic. Despite the fact that actual experts have studies their entire lives, memorized volumes of books, and sacred text and still consider themselves students. But one meme is enough, right?
The Contrived Phobe:
This is a person who has listened to a lot of anti-Muslim rhetoric. S/he has “studied” limited parts of Islam from other phobes, all with the intention of fearing and hating Islam and- more importantly- Muslims. S/he wouldn’t know a confirmation bias if it hit shim in the face. The Contrived Phobe regurgitates talking points, but if you scratch that surface, s/he doesn’t know anything about Islam in reality.
The Anecdotal Evidencer:
This is the person who starts off most conversations about Islam with “I once knew this Muslim who …” S/he takes everything that someone who looks like a Muslim does as Islam itself. They often think that if your religion is true, all the followers have to act like angels. But the Anecdotal Evidencer reserves the right to excuse all kinds of evil done by his/her own co-religionists.
source: storify.com
The Tourist:
This person resembles the Anecdotal Evidencer, but has more of it because s/he visited or lived in a majority Muslim country and thinks that the habits of the people s/he sees is Islam itself. But doesn’t think that the habits of the people in majority Christian countries is representative of Christianity.
The Pandering Politician:
This person has become very successful in a difficult profession, and wants all to believe that his expertise in that profession translates to expertise in all the things, including Islam. The politician tells lies about Islam to fan fears and gain political currency. It’s called pandering. Read more about this type here.
The Talking Head:
This person has a radio show or is the host of some Fox news program. They have and maintain high ratings because of the inflammatory ignorance they spew about people who do not look like them or are not from the same socio-economic stratosphere as them, appealing to the majority and exploiting their fears. They know that Islamophobia is trending so they jump on that scare tactic bandwagon to make more money and increase ratings. Their knowledge of Islam is similar too or less then (if that is even possible) the Coach Theologian.
The Fake Experts:
This is a person that poses in the media as an expert. They may fall into any of the other 6 categories, but have somehow convinced the media that they know more that the average bear, including actual Islamic scholars. But the truth of the matter is that they really do not know much. They are extraordinary pathological liars in that they believe their own lies so well that they have been able to market and sell them. Read more about this type here.
Hi, my name is Brigitte Gabriel. I only have a high school diploma but Fox News calls me an expert.
I am sure there are more of these types, so let me know which ones I missed.
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The need for answers is huge, as I discovered from last week’s Q&A post and from life in general.
So here are 5 more of your burning questions about Islam- and more- answered to the best of my ability.
Q1: Why are there so many different opinions on whether it is OK or not allowed for a husband to beat his wife?
A1: When thinking about subject matter of such importance, you have to wonder whether people are allowing their inner most desires to influence there verdicts rather that the truth. To be sure, the opinions of modern day imams are not being influenced by their desire, we need to go back to what the early scholars of Islam took as the Prophet’s Muhammad’s (Peace be upon him) meaning.
Taking into account that the Prophet (PBUH) never hit any woman, expressly forbade people to do so, and that the verse stating it is allowed can be translated very differently; any sane person can come to the conclusion that beating one’s wife is forbidden. Read more ›
From the time I started blogging, I have always welcomed questions about Islam, Muslims, or really anything. I was naive. After spending years wading through horrifying emails and comments on this blog and other places, I have realized that many people are not looking for answers to their questions.
They may frame an intense insult, curse, or horrifying suggestion as a questions, but they are not asking anything.
Many askholes are simply looking to express or validate their hate and ignorance to which they so desperately cling. To these people, I would like to say, the best I can do for you is ignore you.
But every now and then a questioner comes along that I feel is sincere. And I want to celebrate those questions and questioners as the bright spot in my writing adventure because the more real questions you ask, the closer we come to understanding each other and building stronger bridges.
So here are some real questions several different real people have asked in sincerity (edited for length) that I will attempt to answer to the best of my ability.
Q1: Why are you trying to convert everyone to Islam?
The name calling and racial slurs began when I started wearing hijab.
…
Twelve years after 9/11, the climate of hate has only gotten worse. Extremists who call themselves Muslims continue to terrorize people of all faiths across the globe. American extremists continue to stoke the flames of fear and hate, attacking Muslims in rhetoric, in our houses of worshipand even on the street.
Grafitti defaces a mosque at the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn, Mich. (Bill Pugliano/Getty Images)
So you might have noticed that I have been phoning it in lately. If you have noticed this, it was for a good reason. If you haven’t noticed, then forget I said anything. 😉 At the beginning of this month (Dec 2015), I travelled to a far away land (20 hours of hard-core plane travel away) to present my research on women in Islam at the 2nd Annual Australasian Conference on Islam.
It was an amazing experience filled with learning, meeting amazing people, and exploring Sydney, Australia.
Oprah house at Sydney Harbour. Pic taken by the hubby
The thesis of my research (boiled down a ton) amounted to the fact that a form of Islamophobia, with misogynistic roots, exists within the Muslim global community.
islamwich 