Category: Stuff by Theresa Corbin

Shops at the Intersection of Hijab and Happening

Shops at the Intersection of Hijab and Happening

by Corbin ♥ 10 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin
shopping

In my new year post, I mentioned something about being on what seemed like and eternal quest to find a long, denim skirt (that wasn’t super schoolmarm-y). Well I have great news for those of you who are in the same boat as I. I found an awesome site that sells a wide variety of denim skirts … Read on to find out 😉

And I thought to myself. Self!? If you- someone of astounding creativity and resourcefulness (you may insert eye roll here)- are having this problem, what other fabulously stylish, Muslim-American women (Be careful not to roll your eyes too much. They may get stuck.) are also having a hard time finding the clothing that suits their original/American aesthetic and their religious/modesty requirements?

Probably a lot. Over a period of almost 13 years of being a modest Muslimah, I have scowered the earth and the internet looking for covering clothing that also suits my own brand of style. It is a never ending journey. I have even taught myself to piece together sewing patterns to design and sew my own outfits, which is fun and challenging, but I know not everyone has the time, patience, or know-how to do the same.

So, I have compiled a list of the brick and mortar and internet shops (some tailored for Muslims, some not) that sell stuff that can suit the modest, modern Muslimah’s fashion diet.

1. Target

Who knew that one big box store could have so many suitable, stylish scarves? (Other big box shops that sell scarves and more flow-y clothing fall short on variety and quality).

Your first stop in Target is going to be the accessory section. You know, by the purses. They carry a wide array of scarves (at proper hijab proportions) from solid black, if that is your thing, to day-glow pink and everything in between.

While you may not find all of your outfitting needs here, they do offer a wide variety of layering options for the Modest Muslimah. They carry long sleeve shirts, blazers, maxi skirts and maxi dresses that can be paired with their comfy jean jackets, and all is offered at reasonable prices. (Target, you can make my advertising check out to Theresa Corbin at 1983 I Don’t Advertise for Big Box Stores for Free BLVD.)

2. theskirtoutlet.com

This site solved my denim skirt dilemma. But they don’t only have the cutest, long denim skirts. They also have khaki skirts, knits skirts, fancy skirts, casual skirts, maternity skirts, girl’s skirts, and whose its and whats its galore!
And the fact that their brick and mortar shop is located in Eureka, IL is just the ironic cherry on top.

3. eastessence.com

East Essence caters to the Muslimah, so you know you are getting something that won’t be see-through or super clingy. Many moons ago I ordered a gorgeous embroidered abaya from these folks. While it took a long time to ship (2 weeks), the price was so low it would have been insane to pass up ($14).  I expected the quality to be subpar at that price, but it exceeded all expectations.  

The company has a wide variety of offerings for its customers. From the abaya/jilbab crowd to the skirts and tops ladies, everyone will be satisfied with the price and product quality at East Essence.

4. zulily.com

zulily is a daily deal site that offers amazing discounts on fantastic boutique quality apparel and household products. At first glance you may think it is just for kids, but it is so much more. You might have to dig for hijabi approved apparel. But I have personally found gorgeous scarves, pizazzy palazzo pants, multitudes of maxi skirts, brilliant blazers and all from boutiques and name brands at a fraction of the retail cost.

And, no, I am not just saying this because they give you $20 if you refer a friend. I really love this site! Even if you don’t buy something at zulily for yourself, you will probably find something for the home or the kids.

Happy shopping and hijabing!

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One Message … 4 Memes

One Message … 4 Memes

by Corbin ♥ 1 Comment

While roaming around on Tumblr, I found this post from zindagichist, and it so perfectly described the idea that lead me to Islam that I couldn’t resist blogging it.

Q: Salam. I understand that Christianity and Judaism came before Islam. Why?

Why didn’t Allah just send prophets to strengthen one religion

(maybe Christianity), and not completely form a different religion later on: Islam?

A: Walikum Salaam,

A common misunderstanding is that Islam is the youngest among the Abrahamic faiths, and to be quite frank, this is not true.

 Islam says that there were 124,000 Prophets.  

Adam (Peace and Blessing be Upon Him-PBUH) was the first human being on earth as well as the first Prophet.  From these Prophets, included Moses, Jesus, David, Solomon, Jacob, peace be upon them all.  The message which Moses and Jesus taught is no different than Adam or Prophet Muhammad.

Their messages were consistent with each other without a shadow of doubt.  But you see each Prophet was sent to a certain community, while the last Prophet (Muhammad-PBUH) was sent for all of humanity.  Each Prophet was sent to a community for a specific reason, keep that in mind.

There all part of one religion.The concept of ‘Judaism’ or ‘Christianity’ came later by individuals who did not even see or hear Jesus or Moses.

Moses and Aaron were both prophets and they lived during the same time, with the same intention of guidance.  People still wanted to kill them.  Allah sent many messengers, but society still wanted to kill them.  So in essence, Allah did not just introduce a different religion called Islam.

He completed the original system of life called Islam.  It even says in the Qur’an, the only religion known to Allah is Islam.  Moses, Jesus, Jacob, Adam were all Muslims.

Allah spread out the teachings little by little, not all at once.  Even the Qur’an was revealed in a span of 23 years, not all at once to society.

It’s not a stupid question at all and I’m very glad you asked this, if you have further questions then do not hesitate.

… And now for some funny stuff …

For the Arab-aphile


arab pronunciation


pronunciation fails. But ask a non-native Arabic speaker

how to say “Astighfirallah” … Now that is funny.


For the business owners.

tally ban


Corny? Sure. Bordering on the inappropriate? Mayhap.  Still funny.


For the Harry Potter lover who has a wandering eye.

gaze


Yes, you.


For the foodies

halal


There is WHAT in this Gumbo?

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The Media’s Message about Muslim Women

The Media’s Message about Muslim Women

by Corbin ♥ 23 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin
I happened upon this blog post from Word Turtle entitled, veiled stereotypes: constructing and distorting muslim women. And of course I dropped in for a looky loo, seeing as how this is right in my wheel house. Give it a read, it truly is worth the time.
then you would be worthless

As a youth, I was first introduced to how the media instructs the populace about who they are, or (more aptly) who they should be. I came out the other side of a Seventeen magazine a crushed shell of a teenage girl. I learned from the media that a woman’s worth is in her attractiveness, and if she does not measure up (or down) she has no worth.

But as I entered college and decided on a career in journalism, I became familiar with the role the media plays and all the tricks they use, and was thankfully introduced to Jean Killbourne and her series “Killing Us Softly“. I became informed and began to heal my self worth.
I knew the detriment the media could bring about, so it was no surprise to me when I realized that I had bought another media myth that Muslim women were oppressed. The media not only tells us what to think about ourselves, it tells us what to think of others. And while it is detrimental for people to walk around with a distorted view of themselves, this is usually curable. Perceptions about oneself can and usually do change.

It is what the media sells us about others that is so harmful. Harmful because we are less likely to change our perceptions about

“Who is to blame for the war?” Nazi propaganda

those who are not in our day to day lives. The media plays a HUGE role in constructing and distorting our ideas of other human beings. Instead of recognizing each other as deeply complex and complicated people with family, history and rich inner lives; we instead take the cues from the media and form stereotypes, concluded prejudices and execute our humanity with hate. People who are other than us become tropes, less than human, and objects to do with what we wish. If there is any other greater avenue to evil, I am not aware of it.

Why the media does this is simple: It sells. The media is selling us a story of our life and times, where we (or at least the majority) are the heroes and the “other” is the villain. Hitler did this in his anti-semitic propaganda campaign very effectively. He sold the Jewish population as the enemy, and the populace bought it. Evil ensued. And even though the media tries to put the world in a box with a pretty ribbon on it, life doesn’t work like this. Evil ensues.

To illustrate how this is done, take a look at this graphic of a pregnant Muslim woman,

This image was uploaded to the Facebook page, “Stop the Islamization of America,” an open group created by right-wing authors Pamela Geller and Robert Spencer
and read how Omar, a commenter to the blog post mentioned earlier, has described so perfectly how this -and images like it- are so detrimental.

[Upon seeing the graphic] I immediately thought of the stories in the news of pregnant, Muslim women who have been attacked, including one which resulted in a miscarriage. I feel it important to comment on just how problematic the graphic is and unpack the imagery.

Graphics like this are not simply a statement of some looney person’s opinion, they invoke fear that calls the viewer to action. As Omar puts it,

[…] It invokes action by suggesting pregnancy is not a neutral state irrelevant to the general public, but instead an offensive tactic against the country requiring immediate defensive action – with the urgency highlighted by a lit wick. This poster is not only inciting violence against Muslim women, but taking it to an entirely new level by proposing that the solution to the supposed demographic threat is to attack pregnant, Muslim women.

Not only does this image incite violence against a group of people, a type of speech that is not protected under the First Amendment’s Freedom of Speech -i.e. this graphic is illegal– it dehumanizes the Muslim women. And once again as the illustrious Omar says, Read more ›

I Get to Say What I Want Now

I Get to Say What I Want Now

by Corbin ♥ 9 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin

So it’s 2014, and I have officially been blogging for 1 year. How do I know? Because the money to pay for my domain name has been extracted from my bank account. Oh, is that a party foul to talk about the ins and out of financing a blog? Oh well! And since it is on my dime, I am going to take this opportunity to say a thing or two about what I have learned in my year of blogging and living and so on: the good, the bad, and the fugly

1. Blogging is a full time job
2. Most bloggers get paid in facebook likes (unless you sell your soul to the devil then you get paid in twitter followers.)
3. People fall into three categories 1- people who suck, 2-people who try to make the world a better place, and 3- people who have no reading comprehension.
4. Being consistent is hard.
5. We change very little from infancy, i.e. people only want to look at shapes and colors, i.e. pictures will bring people to your blog, but they probably won’t read anything you write. (of course “they” won’t, because pictures can’t read!)
6. 11 AM is not an acceptable time to wake up in the morning, even if you work from home and work 12 hour days.
7. Angry people often are just scared.
8. Maxi denims skirts (that don’t look super Pentecostal-y or matronly) are hard to come by. P.S. If you know where to find them, let me know.
9. I like to curse. 
10. I need to stop cursing.
11. http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ is the funniest crap on the internet.
12. I may be possessed with the spirit of a sailor. see #9-11.
13. There are a whole lot of women out there who hate women.
14. There are a whole lot of men out there who hate women.
15. Hijab shaming is just as effective as cleaning your kitchen with a dirty diaper.
16. Just when you think you are always right, you are the most wrong.
 17. I can be stupid.
smart had one good idea and that idea was stupid.
18. But I am working on it.
19. If you don’t admit to #17 and haven’t tried # 18, I don’t want to know you.
20. Never blog after foot surgery, no matter what the Lortab told you.
21. Spelling “so” with more o’s doesn’t give it more emphasis, even if that is what you intended.
22. Going to Wal-Mart will help you feel less fat.
23. The common consensus does not create reality. This one was a painful lesson.
24. Usually the bigger the opinion the less informed the person.
25. Islam is amazing: Muslims could use some work.
See ya round in 2014!  

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Upcycling Roundup

Upcycling Roundup

by Corbin ♥ 11 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin
Upcycle-infographicI am at it again. Upcycling. I LOVE upcycling.

For those of you who have never heard of such a strange animal, let me introduce you.

up·cy·cle

[uhp-sahy-kuhl]  verb up·cy·cled, up·cy·cling

to process (used goods or waste material) so as to produce something that is often better than the original: I upcycled a stained tablecloth into curtains. dictionary.com

Words cannot describe the sense of accomplishment that you get when you take something old and seemingly ready for the landfill and give it a new life and a new purpose. Maybe it is just a part of me that hopes that when I am old and worn out, I won’t be considered useless. Maybe it is my desire to be more green. It is a good color after all. O

r maybe it is my cheapness. I hate paying full price for anything (blogging and freelancing don’t pay the bills as it is)! Especially when it is so unoriginal and uninspired, as most retail junk is. So I am sharing a small glimpse of my passion of taking seemly useless junk and turning it into inspired awesomeness.

1. More than Pin Storage

Have you ever been given one of those baskets as a gift filled with soaps and scrubs and the like? Have extra soap lying around and wrapping paper you saved because it was just too cute to throw away? You are in luck because I have a simple project for you.

Take said superfluous soap and deliciously decorative wrapping paper and make a pin cushion that actually sharpens your pins. It’s exciting to think of all the swashbuckling you can do with a super sharp pin, but let’s play nice and use our newly sharpened pins for good and not evil, like pinning a hijab or securing a sewing project.

realsimple.com Who knew Martha could be so crafty?

 Stick needles and pins in a wrapped bar of soap. The soap’s oils make the pointy ends glide through fabric “sew” easily.

2. Clutter Buster

Next on the list is the perfect fix for the hijab clutter problem. Everyone has seen the pin on pinterest where you use shower curtain rings on a coat hanger to organize your scarves. But what pinterest won’t tell you (sneaky pinners) is that the shower curtain rings slip and drag the hanger down to one side. Boo! And even if you get all you hijabs perfectly spaced and the coat hanger is level, they still weight the hanger down, bending it out of shape. Double Boo!

A better way to go about it is to use stationary towel bars on the closet door (an over the door version is an awesome idea if you have one lying around, but use what you already have). This won’t wobble around the closet or bend the hanger out of shape. It is also a great way to organize your necklaces. Am I the only one who has a ton of shower curtain rings and hooks lying around the house?

http://rogstadhouse.blogspot.ca

3. The Cowl

I am in love with this hijab look. It is part Celtic, part Muslimah, and that is right in my wheelhouse. The best part is that you can turn almost anything into a cowl: an old sweater, a t-shirt, a skirt, a piece of fabric you don’t know what to do with, a towel (OK, maybe not a towel. I went too far. But you know what I mean).

Another great thing about your own cowl is that it doesn’t have to be attached to one particular sweater/top/abaya so you can mix and match with anything. And you can make it long enough to cover your chest, just wear with an amira hijab underneath and you are good to go.

http://www.instructables.com beware: awesome tutorial, but there is some weird bathing suit lady gaga emulation going on here.
http://www.instructables.com beware the link: awesome tutorial, but there is some weird bathing suited, lady gaga emulation going on.

– Cut the fabric to 45″ x 35″ -Fold the fabric in half on the 45″ side so it is now 22.5″x35″- Sew the two 35″ sides together. -Turn it inside out so the seam is on the inside.  The fabric should look like a tube.

4. The Maxi

Everyone needs a maxi dress and everyone has at least a few shirts they were going to give a proper burial at Goodwill. Save the trip to the second hand store and whip up a must have closet staple. (if you steal your husband’s old shirts for this project, I won’t tell)

Pick the colors that go together from your pile of giveaways. Cut. Sew. Wear. It’s as easy as that.

clothedmuch.com Since it is DIY, you can make it with a long sleeve shirt at the top!
Chic Girl’s Tip: Anytime you plan to up-cycle jersey knit pieces, wash and dry the clothes before cutting them for your projects. For this project, I used the largest shirt as the bottom layer and smallest for the top to make sure the shape of the skirt portion was a-line.
You can find more upcycling and DIY projects when you visit islamwich on Pinterest. Put the fun back in functionality!
Find out more about upcylcing at hipcycle.com
Follow us (upper right of the page), email us (islamwich@yahoo.com), like our face with your face on Facebook, like the post, share it, pin it, comment on it, and/or do whatever social media magic it is that you prefer. Find out more about us in the understandably named “About Us” page and browse other posts in our brand spanking new “Table of Contents”.
Facebook Creepers

Facebook Creepers

by Corbin ♥ 15 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbinthey-be-stalking-every-siter-up-in-facebok

As a Muslim lady on the Facebook (heretofore known as fb) and an American convert at that (green card, anyone?), it seems that brothers of lesser morals peg me as easy fb prey. These rejects, have in the past, gotten their face ripped off- Beware the Corbin when she is protecting her privacy and haya!! Terrible tales can be told of the snarky, bugger off messages I have written in days gone by (it’s fun but not always effective, as you will learn in this post).

Corbin can't be bothered
Corbin can’t be bothered

I am by NO means alone in the Muslim brother creeper* situation.

It is an unfortunate epidemic.

 Brother Creeper– (n.) A creeper who is also Muslim man-boy. This creature stalks your fb profile because he sees that you are a Muslim … and a female … with a pulse. Regardless of your marital status (he has no respect for himself, so why should he have respect for you, your husband, or your marriage) he sends friend requests repeatedly and PMs you endlessly.

You might be thinking, why don’t you just not friend guys. DUH! Why didn’t I think of that (rolls eyes)?

p.s. stop victim blaming! If a sister chooses to friend men on fb, does that mean she should be blamed for harassment? NO! Many sisters add dudes and many don’t (FYI: I don’t). It is a personal choice and should be respected.

even if this is your profile pic they will still add you, try to chat with you, stalk you.
even if this is your profile pic they will still add you, try to chat with you, stalk you.

But those brothers who are friends with sisters on fb will often creep around trying to friend the friends of their friends. Confused yet? It is simple. Weirdos are stalking sisters on fb. Even if you reject their request to be friends they will pm you all damn day long.

It is a problem. Sisters are even driven to such extremes as to change their fb pics to a graphic that says something to the tune of: brothers don’t add me!! And they still post that brothers are harassing them.

You can have your fb privacy setting so high that not even you can see your info, posts, or pics, and they will still find you.

I know that not every sister is battle hardened, and can spot a creeper a deal with him (know-how comes with time, but there is no time to waste).  So I have compiled a list of types of creepers, their bag of tricks, and what to do when one is face-to-face with one in the wild.

even creepers need to replenish their electrolytes
even creepers need to replenish their electrolytes

FB creepers: know your creepers and how to repel them.

The Lurker

hi! we can friend be, yes?
hi! we can friend be, yes?

Signs you might have a lurker: This guy continues to friend request you and PM you. Only says “hi” or similar greeting. You keep declining the request and don’t respond to the PMs, but he persists. If this is your only creeper problem, you are in luck. This guy can’t take a hint, probably only knows “hi” in English, but he is generally harmless.

Rx: Ignore! And continue to Ignore.  If you try to talk to him and say go away, it will only get worse. He will go away like an ant when there is no more food in the pantry if you resist the urge to respond.

The Manipulator

He sends random PMs saying something along the lines of “Stop PM-ing me. I am married!!” This brother creeper is baiting you. He wants you to protest that you don’t know him and have never PM-ed him. And when you do PM him this, bam! He starts a convo about how he is sorry for the confusion … where are you from, sister? … and it spirals out of control from there.

Rx: You can just ignore this brother’s baiting or block him if you are feeling especially annoyed by this tactic. But whatever you do, do. not. re. spond. You will feel a sudden sharp localized pain in your stomach or behind your eye (stay calm! this is just repulsion.) when you read his manipulative message. That is the intended effect. He wants to light a fire under you to spring you into action. IGNORE and block if you can’t stand it.

The Romeo Wannabe

His trick is to try and stroke your ego, complimenting you and sometimes will even offer to marry you. “Oh sister, you are so beautiful. I love what you post. You are so smart. I think we will make a good match.” And other classics like “Oh sister, you are so perfect and funny, will you friend me?” He has told many other sisters these same sorry lines.

I do mind
I do mind

Rx: Even though everything he is saying is true, you are gorgeous and smart and funny, do not be flattered. He is telling you something that is obvious to everyone, even if everyone doesn’t take the time to say it. (if you don’t believe this, don’t let your low self-esteem drive you into his trap) Ignore. He will copy and paste the same message to the next sister on his creeper list.

The Undercover Brother

This brother creeper poses as a sister to infiltrate your friend list and your life. It can be hard to tell sometimes whether this creeper

what a mighty thick beard you have, sister
what a mighty thick beard you have, sister

is really a man or a woman, because shim’s profile can be replete with pics of shim’s kids, pics of shimself on vaca. Shim is even friends with many other sisters you know. These pics are stolen and he has tricked your friends as well. Ways to tell if you have undercover brother in your midst: Try to talk about religion. If “she” claims to be a Muslim, but steers the conversation away from this topic, this is a red flag. If “she” asks you to send her pics of you without hijab, run. If “she” asks to video chat and you hardly know “her”, like at all, run. If “she” is waaaaayyy to eager to get you to talk to “her brother” about marriage, you probably have a dude on your hands (wash thoroughly with bleach).

Rx: BLOCK his butt. And plaster his profile all over fb. Warn people that this is really a man posing as a sister.

The Triangulator

This creeper is like the opposite of The Undercover Brother. This creeper is not a brother, but a sister who insists that you get together with this guy she knows. She has friended you, chatted you up, and is now trying to put together a love triangle. She is a triangulator. What the What?! She love long walks on the beach, has an affinity for drama, and  is currently involved with a dude. A dude, for some super creepy reason, that she thinks you should marry and/or otherwise take off of her hands (but she’ll probably want to stay in the picture). This Bee be crazy!!! I cannot say why she wants this because this kind of crazy is so far outside of the normal human’s scope it is hard to even fathom a reason for it.

Rx: Simply refuse to get involved in her drama, she will pitch a fit and curse you out then block you. This will be the best thing she can do for you. Bye, bye crazy lady!

The Shameless

This brother doesn’t care and he is casting a wide net. He may try one or more of the following: Send a very private pic on “accident”. Straight up try to talk to you about sex. Ask for a naked pic of you. Ask you any manner of question that

I am a troll and need to be put down.
I am a troll and need to be put down.

is between you and your OB-GYN. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he will try to make you feel bad, cursing and insulting you. This “brother” is a plague on society. He has a corrupt heart and needs to be in prison or worse.

Rx: Same as with the undercover brother, but with the added element of reporting him to fb. And if you find out where he lives and that happens to be the US (but he is usually from some nameless country in the near East), see if you can press charges!

You might think that this problem is due to the amount of young brothers trying to get married.

Don’t be naive. There are plenty of good brothers who find respectful ways to go about this. And even the older and married brothers are perpetrators of these crimes and even prey on married women.

You might say boys will be boys

You are a major part of the problem. It is this mentality that let’s men get away with sexual violence, harassment, and all manners of evil that are destroying this world.  Please find a nice cozy spot in traffic and go hang out there during rush hour.

Whatever the cause (male perversion? brother needs a job/hobby/cold showers/castration/death penalty?), don’t let creepers keep you from enjoying social media. It can be used for good! And I would miss you, sister, if you left.

Follow us (upper right of the page), email us (islamwich@yahoo.com), like our face with your face on Facebook, like the post, share it, pin it, comment on it, and/or do whatever social media magic it is that you prefer. Find out more about us in the understandably named “About Us” page and browse other posts in our brand spanking new “Table of Contents”.

Image

Polygamy Explained, Part 2: Rules of Engagement

by Corbin ♥ 5 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin

Part I here

Many people have an emotional response to the thought of polygamy.

It only makes sense. When you ask someone to think logically about their emotional relationships, it can be difficult.  The ugly emotional center of the brain rears up and goes into attack mode, bullying the more logical frontal lobe into submission.

polygamy explained part 2

It is hard to separate the emotional and the logical. Add that fact to the fact that we live in a culture that is emotionally attached to believing Disney fairy tales are true … and happen in real life … makes it very difficult to have a logical conversation about polygamy. 

But we can logically conclude that if a bird has never flown in your window and helped out with your laundry, it is less likely that a good looking, well-mannered, charming, respectful man or woman from a royal line and tons of money and super good looks will swoop in and solve and/or save you from every problem you have.

And you will most likely not live happily ever after just because you have faith in love. To my mind, this leads to alcoholism. Sorry to break the news. We are all just people and we all screw up and break each other’s hearts.

In the previous post our good friend Gracie touched on the topic of polygyny (Polygamous marriages where a man marries more than one women) and gave examples of when it is advantageous for women.

And she pointed out that, while we live in a society and a time where women have many opportunities to be educated and independent, not everyone has this system or these opportunities. And even those who do have these opportunities, may still choose polygamy for other reasons.

For some people polygamy works (but if you are in a country where it is illegal and you want to get polygamous, you have two options 1-don’t do it, or 2-leave). That is not to say it is for everyone. It REALLY isn’t.

A tip for the sisters: No one should make anyone be a part of a polygamous relationship against their will.

Muslims didn’t start the party

Some non-Muslims base their opinion of Islam solely on the practice of polygyny. But can we please, just for today, remember a little further back than the American media recommends? 

Islam was not the initiator or promoter of polygamy. Polygamy was being practiced long before the existence of Islam. Jews, Christians, and many other [religions and] cultures practiced polygamy, and some still continue to do so. Famous prophets practiced polygamy, such as David, Solomon, and Abraham. In fact, Islam was the only religion that restricted and regulated polygamous marriages.

–al-islam.org 

And, we at islamwich do not advocate polygamy outside of the strict Islamic guidelines.

THAT never works, because it can so very quickly become oppressive. The way some communities practice polygamy is rather reprehensible. I have heard of men marrying pairs of sisters and even mothers and daughters (you are just asking for drama in those situations) and all women are sleeping on the floor of one room. That is called greed and neglect, not polygamy.

Even within some Muslim families polygamy is not practice in compliance with the Islamic guidelines. I have seen it a hundred times, some lazy piece of $#!+ brother marries a nice religious sister, who may not have a lot of Islamic knowledge, but she tries. And this brother convinces her that it is his right to marry another woman.

The problem is he isn’t taking care of the first wife. She works, does all the chores, and is raising their children. I am sure he is bored with no way to expend his energy besides sitting around playing video games and talking about how women don’t wear hijab properly. And I am sure she is exhausted from all her responsibilities. His “logical” answer is to get another one. WRONG!!!!!

Another tip for sisters: You get to write a contract when you get married. If you aren’t down with getting polygamous, put it in your contract. And YES, it is allowed. Just ask Ibn al-Qayyim who wrote in Zâd al-Ma`âd (5/117-118):

If a man agrees to the condition that he will not marry a second wife, he is obliged by that condition. If the man breaks his promise, the woman will be entitled to terminate the marriage contract.

And there is a precedent for it in the Sunnah. 

The rules of the road.

[..] marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one. (Quran 4:3)

1-      Polygamy is not an obligated rule; it is a permissible act.

In truth, not many men can stand up to the test of polygamy, but they still want to fail trying because they believe it to be their “right”. But:

Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice […] What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.- pbs.org 

2-      It’s all about the Benjamins-

It is the man’s responsibility to provide for his family. He must, to the best of his ability, provide his wife and their offspring with an appropriate standard of living. If the wife decides she would also like to earn money, it is hers to keep, entirely (this is not to say that couples cannot make different arrangements for financial means. They can but only if both partners agree). 

So, if you cannot afford one wife and your children with her, you absolutely cannot go looking for another wife you cannot afford to provide for. To be clear, wives should be given separate accommodations. So, if you can’t afford two house or even apartment, shut up about another wife. 

3-       Allah says in the Quran that men are not capable.

You will never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire. (Quran 4:129).

In this verse, just treatment means so much more than a man’s financial capacity to support more than one wife. We have seen it before, men with money are very capable of showering their loved one’s with things, but seem incapable of doing the same showering with time or affection. 

A husband must give equally to each wife his time, support, and companionship. 

4-       It ain’t no fantasy, folks  

Polygamy in Islam is not an orgy as it has been too long thought of in the Western men’s lust fulfillment fantasy. Polygamy in Islam is taking on the responsibilities of another family. It is a man giving his respect to all his in-laws. It is dealing with the good, the bad, and the ugly from multiple women. It is working as much as you have to, so you can support your wives and all your children financially, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and so on.

It is hard enough to be man enough for one woman and family; imagine having to work two to four times as hard.- My husband said in an interview after he did the dishes: an effort to live up to the Prophet’s (PBUH) example of being man enough to do housework.

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