Written by Theresa Corbin

Of all the things our friends and families could get into, we in the West seem to fear Islam the most. Which is pretty dumb because as someone who has drug addicts and criminals as family members, I can tell you there are much, MUCH worse things (and converting to Islam is NOT a bad thing, fyi).

With so many people in the West converting to Islam, “concerned” citizens have started making claims that halal meat, learning Arabic words, or even eating falafel turns people into Muslims (whatever turning into a Muslim means?! as if you become a vampire). Such claims are beyond absurd, ignorant, and seriously offensive.

But, satire aside, there is a certain paranoia in the West that someone you know might become a Muslim. So in order to calm fears, I have compiled a list of symptoms that someone might display if/when they start to contemplate choosing Islam for their life. Beware!  This is pretty tame stuff.

1. Not Eating pork

Sure, sure it’s bad for your cholesterol and you need to bring down your blood pressure, but if the guy next to you at lunch doesn’t order pork … He might be thinking about becoming a Muslim!

2. Ditching toxic people

I guess it could be just a sign of maturity if the one you love finally breaks up with the loser boy/girlfriend or ditches the drug dealer side kick. But why chance it? They could be converting to Islam!! The horror!

3. Becoming more respectful to parents

Golly Gee! Your loved one might have finally realized all that their parents had to put up with just to raise them. But, if that same loved one becomes “irrationally” respectful of their parents, why not suspect that the creeping Shariah of Islam has something to do with it? A chilling thought.

4. Being more modest in all matters

Have you noticed your friend or family member stopped twerking in booty shorts, stopped cursing so much, or even stopped claiming they are God’s gift to anything? You wouldn’t be remiss if you suspected Islam was sneaking into their hearts. How dare they!

5. Stopped being two-faced

If your guy or gal pal is tired of talking cr@p about people behind their backs and actually wants to talk about something real, beware! She/he might be turning Muslim. Make sure they haven’t been slipped some halal meat!

6. Giving in charity

If someone in your family decides to start giving to the homeless, even though it is illegal in your city, you might have a future Muslim on your hands. Let the outrage begin!

7. Becoming more patient

Did you yell at your loved one and they just hugged you? Weird behavior, right? It might be time to ask them if they have been reading the Quran in secret. You might have a convert on your hands. The humanity!!

8. Being kinder to everyone

Have you noticed your friend/family member treating people … like … better … like with something that looks like what used to be called kindness … but now its known as weakness. That kindness might not be weakness at all, but an attempt to beautify themselves for God. You might have a Muslim on your hands. Alert the authorities!

9. Becoming more affectionate

Did your sister, brother, or child just tell you -out of the blue- that they love you?! Strange things are happening. They might be coming down with a infectious case of Islamic behavior. Call the doctor!

10. Being less judgemental of others and more critical of themselves

Has your loved one turned their criticism inward? Have they started saying things like, we don’t know what she has been through, or I’ve done stupid things myself, when someone is being judge by others? Hmmm, sounds like the introspection of a Muslim. How dare they?!

But here is the kicker. Even if your fears are realized. And you have a family member or friend who is converting to Islam, you can still love them. And they will still love you! ❤

Up next: A look at the signs someone is becoming a radical/extremist/jihadi. Now THAT is a different matter all together and something to actually be concerned with.

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