Facebook Creepers

Facebook Creepers

by Corbin ♥ 15 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbinthey-be-stalking-every-siter-up-in-facebok

As a Muslim lady on the Facebook (heretofore known as fb) and an American convert at that (green card, anyone?), it seems that brothers of lesser morals peg me as easy fb prey. These rejects, have in the past, gotten their face ripped off- Beware the Corbin when she is protecting her privacy and haya!! Terrible tales can be told of the snarky, bugger off messages I have written in days gone by (it’s fun but not always effective, as you will learn in this post).

Corbin can't be bothered
Corbin can’t be bothered

I am by NO means alone in the Muslim brother creeper* situation.

It is an unfortunate epidemic.

 Brother Creeper– (n.) A creeper who is also Muslim man-boy. This creature stalks your fb profile because he sees that you are a Muslim … and a female … with a pulse. Regardless of your marital status (he has no respect for himself, so why should he have respect for you, your husband, or your marriage) he sends friend requests repeatedly and PMs you endlessly.

You might be thinking, why don’t you just not friend guys. DUH! Why didn’t I think of that (rolls eyes)?

p.s. stop victim blaming! If a sister chooses to friend men on fb, does that mean she should be blamed for harassment? NO! Many sisters add dudes and many don’t (FYI: I don’t). It is a personal choice and should be respected.

even if this is your profile pic they will still add you, try to chat with you, stalk you.
even if this is your profile pic they will still add you, try to chat with you, stalk you.

But those brothers who are friends with sisters on fb will often creep around trying to friend the friends of their friends. Confused yet? It is simple. Weirdos are stalking sisters on fb. Even if you reject their request to be friends they will pm you all damn day long.

It is a problem. Sisters are even driven to such extremes as to change their fb pics to a graphic that says something to the tune of: brothers don’t add me!! And they still post that brothers are harassing them.

You can have your fb privacy setting so high that not even you can see your info, posts, or pics, and they will still find you.

I know that not every sister is battle hardened, and can spot a creeper a deal with him (know-how comes with time, but there is no time to waste).  So I have compiled a list of types of creepers, their bag of tricks, and what to do when one is face-to-face with one in the wild.

even creepers need to replenish their electrolytes
even creepers need to replenish their electrolytes

FB creepers: know your creepers and how to repel them.

The Lurker

hi! we can friend be, yes?
hi! we can friend be, yes?

Signs you might have a lurker: This guy continues to friend request you and PM you. Only says “hi” or similar greeting. You keep declining the request and don’t respond to the PMs, but he persists. If this is your only creeper problem, you are in luck. This guy can’t take a hint, probably only knows “hi” in English, but he is generally harmless.

Rx: Ignore! And continue to Ignore.  If you try to talk to him and say go away, it will only get worse. He will go away like an ant when there is no more food in the pantry if you resist the urge to respond.

The Manipulator

He sends random PMs saying something along the lines of “Stop PM-ing me. I am married!!” This brother creeper is baiting you. He wants you to protest that you don’t know him and have never PM-ed him. And when you do PM him this, bam! He starts a convo about how he is sorry for the confusion … where are you from, sister? … and it spirals out of control from there.

Rx: You can just ignore this brother’s baiting or block him if you are feeling especially annoyed by this tactic. But whatever you do, do. not. re. spond. You will feel a sudden sharp localized pain in your stomach or behind your eye (stay calm! this is just repulsion.) when you read his manipulative message. That is the intended effect. He wants to light a fire under you to spring you into action. IGNORE and block if you can’t stand it.

The Romeo Wannabe

His trick is to try and stroke your ego, complimenting you and sometimes will even offer to marry you. “Oh sister, you are so beautiful. I love what you post. You are so smart. I think we will make a good match.” And other classics like “Oh sister, you are so perfect and funny, will you friend me?” He has told many other sisters these same sorry lines.

I do mind
I do mind

Rx: Even though everything he is saying is true, you are gorgeous and smart and funny, do not be flattered. He is telling you something that is obvious to everyone, even if everyone doesn’t take the time to say it. (if you don’t believe this, don’t let your low self-esteem drive you into his trap) Ignore. He will copy and paste the same message to the next sister on his creeper list.

The Undercover Brother

This brother creeper poses as a sister to infiltrate your friend list and your life. It can be hard to tell sometimes whether this creeper

what a mighty thick beard you have, sister
what a mighty thick beard you have, sister

is really a man or a woman, because shim’s profile can be replete with pics of shim’s kids, pics of shimself on vaca. Shim is even friends with many other sisters you know. These pics are stolen and he has tricked your friends as well. Ways to tell if you have undercover brother in your midst: Try to talk about religion. If “she” claims to be a Muslim, but steers the conversation away from this topic, this is a red flag. If “she” asks you to send her pics of you without hijab, run. If “she” asks to video chat and you hardly know “her”, like at all, run. If “she” is waaaaayyy to eager to get you to talk to “her brother” about marriage, you probably have a dude on your hands (wash thoroughly with bleach).

Rx: BLOCK his butt. And plaster his profile all over fb. Warn people that this is really a man posing as a sister.

The Triangulator

This creeper is like the opposite of The Undercover Brother. This creeper is not a brother, but a sister who insists that you get together with this guy she knows. She has friended you, chatted you up, and is now trying to put together a love triangle. She is a triangulator. What the What?! She love long walks on the beach, has an affinity for drama, and  is currently involved with a dude. A dude, for some super creepy reason, that she thinks you should marry and/or otherwise take off of her hands (but she’ll probably want to stay in the picture). This Bee be crazy!!! I cannot say why she wants this because this kind of crazy is so far outside of the normal human’s scope it is hard to even fathom a reason for it.

Rx: Simply refuse to get involved in her drama, she will pitch a fit and curse you out then block you. This will be the best thing she can do for you. Bye, bye crazy lady!

The Shameless

This brother doesn’t care and he is casting a wide net. He may try one or more of the following: Send a very private pic on “accident”. Straight up try to talk to you about sex. Ask for a naked pic of you. Ask you any manner of question that

I am a troll and need to be put down.
I am a troll and need to be put down.

is between you and your OB-GYN. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he will try to make you feel bad, cursing and insulting you. This “brother” is a plague on society. He has a corrupt heart and needs to be in prison or worse.

Rx: Same as with the undercover brother, but with the added element of reporting him to fb. And if you find out where he lives and that happens to be the US (but he is usually from some nameless country in the near East), see if you can press charges!

You might think that this problem is due to the amount of young brothers trying to get married.

Don’t be naive. There are plenty of good brothers who find respectful ways to go about this. And even the older and married brothers are perpetrators of these crimes and even prey on married women.

You might say boys will be boys

You are a major part of the problem. It is this mentality that let’s men get away with sexual violence, harassment, and all manners of evil that are destroying this world.  Please find a nice cozy spot in traffic and go hang out there during rush hour.

Whatever the cause (male perversion? brother needs a job/hobby/cold showers/castration/death penalty?), don’t let creepers keep you from enjoying social media. It can be used for good! And I would miss you, sister, if you left.

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I Didn’t Meme It

I Didn’t Meme It

by Corbin ♥ 5 Comments

Just for funsies and because things are getting waAAAAay too serious I have compiled (eh hem borrowed/stolen) some memes from American Muslim Memes.

For the Kitty Cat lover in you


cat

Not recommended but I have to admit I dream about doing this

salam

What my sister thinks when I make wudu at her house

wudu

For the young brothers

beards

For the older brothers

beard 2

For the white converts

white

For all my sisters who are trying to get married

sisters

For all my brothers who are trying to get married

dude

Totally!

sahoor

This post was brought to you by the letter “a”. “A” is for Apple, Allah, and Alrighty I gotta go.

And a special thanks to American Muslim Memes, you rock!

Have a great hump day, everyone!

Follow us (upper right of the page), email us (islamwich@yahoo.com), like our face with your face on Facebook, like the post, share it, pin it, comment on it, and/or do whatever social media magic it is that you prefer. Find out more about us in the understandably named “About Us” page and browse other posts in our brand spanking new “Table of Contents”.

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Polygamy Explained, Part 2: Rules of Engagement

by Corbin ♥ 5 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin

Part I here

Many people have an emotional response to the thought of polygamy.

It only makes sense. When you ask someone to think logically about their emotional relationships, it can be difficult.  The ugly emotional center of the brain rears up and goes into attack mode, bullying the more logical frontal lobe into submission.

polygamy explained part 2

It is hard to separate the emotional and the logical. Add that fact to the fact that we live in a culture that is emotionally attached to believing Disney fairy tales are true … and happen in real life … makes it very difficult to have a logical conversation about polygamy. 

But we can logically conclude that if a bird has never flown in your window and helped out with your laundry, it is less likely that a good looking, well-mannered, charming, respectful man or woman from a royal line and tons of money and super good looks will swoop in and solve and/or save you from every problem you have.

And you will most likely not live happily ever after just because you have faith in love. To my mind, this leads to alcoholism. Sorry to break the news. We are all just people and we all screw up and break each other’s hearts.

In the previous post our good friend Gracie touched on the topic of polygyny (Polygamous marriages where a man marries more than one women) and gave examples of when it is advantageous for women.

And she pointed out that, while we live in a society and a time where women have many opportunities to be educated and independent, not everyone has this system or these opportunities. And even those who do have these opportunities, may still choose polygamy for other reasons.

For some people polygamy works (but if you are in a country where it is illegal and you want to get polygamous, you have two options 1-don’t do it, or 2-leave). That is not to say it is for everyone. It REALLY isn’t.

A tip for the sisters: No one should make anyone be a part of a polygamous relationship against their will.

Muslims didn’t start the party

Some non-Muslims base their opinion of Islam solely on the practice of polygyny. But can we please, just for today, remember a little further back than the American media recommends? 

Islam was not the initiator or promoter of polygamy. Polygamy was being practiced long before the existence of Islam. Jews, Christians, and many other [religions and] cultures practiced polygamy, and some still continue to do so. Famous prophets practiced polygamy, such as David, Solomon, and Abraham. In fact, Islam was the only religion that restricted and regulated polygamous marriages.

–al-islam.org 

And, we at islamwich do not advocate polygamy outside of the strict Islamic guidelines.

THAT never works, because it can so very quickly become oppressive. The way some communities practice polygamy is rather reprehensible. I have heard of men marrying pairs of sisters and even mothers and daughters (you are just asking for drama in those situations) and all women are sleeping on the floor of one room. That is called greed and neglect, not polygamy.

Even within some Muslim families polygamy is not practice in compliance with the Islamic guidelines. I have seen it a hundred times, some lazy piece of $#!+ brother marries a nice religious sister, who may not have a lot of Islamic knowledge, but she tries. And this brother convinces her that it is his right to marry another woman.

The problem is he isn’t taking care of the first wife. She works, does all the chores, and is raising their children. I am sure he is bored with no way to expend his energy besides sitting around playing video games and talking about how women don’t wear hijab properly. And I am sure she is exhausted from all her responsibilities. His “logical” answer is to get another one. WRONG!!!!!

Another tip for sisters: You get to write a contract when you get married. If you aren’t down with getting polygamous, put it in your contract. And YES, it is allowed. Just ask Ibn al-Qayyim who wrote in Zâd al-Ma`âd (5/117-118):

If a man agrees to the condition that he will not marry a second wife, he is obliged by that condition. If the man breaks his promise, the woman will be entitled to terminate the marriage contract.

And there is a precedent for it in the Sunnah. 

The rules of the road.

[..] marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one. (Quran 4:3)

1-      Polygamy is not an obligated rule; it is a permissible act.

In truth, not many men can stand up to the test of polygamy, but they still want to fail trying because they believe it to be their “right”. But:

Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice […] What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.- pbs.org 

2-      It’s all about the Benjamins-

It is the man’s responsibility to provide for his family. He must, to the best of his ability, provide his wife and their offspring with an appropriate standard of living. If the wife decides she would also like to earn money, it is hers to keep, entirely (this is not to say that couples cannot make different arrangements for financial means. They can but only if both partners agree). 

So, if you cannot afford one wife and your children with her, you absolutely cannot go looking for another wife you cannot afford to provide for. To be clear, wives should be given separate accommodations. So, if you can’t afford two house or even apartment, shut up about another wife. 

3-       Allah says in the Quran that men are not capable.

You will never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire. (Quran 4:129).

In this verse, just treatment means so much more than a man’s financial capacity to support more than one wife. We have seen it before, men with money are very capable of showering their loved one’s with things, but seem incapable of doing the same showering with time or affection. 

A husband must give equally to each wife his time, support, and companionship. 

4-       It ain’t no fantasy, folks  

Polygamy in Islam is not an orgy as it has been too long thought of in the Western men’s lust fulfillment fantasy. Polygamy in Islam is taking on the responsibilities of another family. It is a man giving his respect to all his in-laws. It is dealing with the good, the bad, and the ugly from multiple women. It is working as much as you have to, so you can support your wives and all your children financially, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and so on.

It is hard enough to be man enough for one woman and family; imagine having to work two to four times as hard.- My husband said in an interview after he did the dishes: an effort to live up to the Prophet’s (PBUH) example of being man enough to do housework.

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Polygamy Explained, Part I: A Societal Need?

by gracielawrence ♥ 27 Comments

Written by Gracie Lawrence

Since the days that exotic tales of everyday wealthy Ottoman life began to waft onto European shores, wondering Western romantic minds have been painting up portraits of what Eastern harrams (pronounced hair-ums in some southern cities) must have looked like. Ladies lavishly washing, beautifying themselves and their long manes, and perhaps even making exquisitely succulent turkey dinners … together … just for you.

Polygamy Part 1

Equally ridiculous is how having 4 sets of in-laws, the various responsibilities of those women and resulting amount of children, and how alllll that would affect Sunday night football never quite occurs to many men.

I thought it would be interesting to talk about why anyone might want to be in a polygamous marriage in the first place (PART 1) and no, not from a male point of view … boring! Secondly, what responsibilities that would entail for a man (PART 2).

Wait, whaatt? Muslim men have duties to their wife/wives?  YUP!

Polygamy (or more specifically, Polygyny- in which a man has more than one wife) can be a difficult thing for the Western mind to imagine as anything other than an oppressive venture.

However, the disturbing–to-some fact remains that a large part of the world does practice polygamy and has practiced it for thousands of whyyourarelyseeafemalypolygamist[1]years (conjuring up stories of King Solomon here).

According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies noted, only 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry (in which a woman has more than one husband- Part 3, maybe?).

However, even in countries where polygyny is practiced only 16-30% of people actually utilize it. Therefore, clearly even in polygyny friendly societies, this form of marriage is not dominant.

Moreover, there are various kinds, female choice polygyny systems seen among South American natives (see this one about a Bolivian tribe) are going to be different than a male coercion model.

There are many reasons why marriages may become polygamous. But I think it first appropriate to bring forth the appropriate backdrop.

Lifting the Western goggles

Picture it … the Earth, the date- today.

Even in this century, the majority of the world does not have the economic system or wealth of modern post- industrialized nations. 

Taking into consideration that most of human civilization has been overrun with serious poverty, men and women dying from preventable diseases, and women dying due to childbirth related complications, (Maternal Deaths Sub-Saharan Africa) life and social taboos in many places were and still are vastly different from the Western context.

Now that we have taken our Western goggles off

Let’s have a look around and think of just some examples where polygyny might occur and work … without being oppressive to women.

1. Poverty

You’re a poor girl whose father and only bread winner of the family just passed away. Unfortunately for you women don’t have the option of earning wages. And you really don’t like being poor. While there are plenty of single, young goat-herding men around- they are also poor and therefore not very interesting to you.

There is, however, an older, charming a la’ Sean Connery merchant who is actually very well off.  He already has two wives, but have you seen their homes? And you would be the youngest and favorite wife, right?

2. War

You’re a poor girl who lives in a village that has just been annihilated by a fairly rich country. Most of the men have been slaughtered, including your father the protector and only bread winner of the family.

You are stuck with the few males who were too old to be considered a threat to invaders. They all have at least one wife already. But you really want some babies, a few meals a day, and some protection in your now lawless area. Polygyny is a better than your only other option- prostitution (which sky-rockets in conflict zones).

3. You’re tired

You are a married woman with a few kids, and you have been married to your husband for a while now. He’s a nice guy- you love him- you would never think of leaving him or separating him from the kids. But the man has the sexual appetite that can be compared to a pack of starved wildebeests … every … single … night.

You on the other hand are a once a week kind of girl. You tell him he either needs a new hobby or a new wife- not that he can’t just overcome his urge, but you’re pretty practical at this point in your life–why not?

I could go on and on with these circumstances and the driving factors for women to want polygyny (your parents don’t even have to die in these scenarios and the last one isn’t even poverty dependent). 

 

Even Tim Harford at Slate recognizes the benefits of such a system in his article hilariously entitled I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do: The Economic Case for Polygamy

This probably all sounds very foreign to you, and of course it is! (Except for the marrying for money part because we all know of some gold digger who did that.) It is not part of our culture to have a lot of these problems, but that doesn’t mean that they haven’t been an issue or are still occurring in many parts of the world RIGHT NOW.

What Islam does is regulate these unions so that as few people get hurt as possible (no abusing women, using men purely as sperm donors, the rights of children, etc.).

And in a species such as ours where almost every characteristic (including sexual appetite) can be spread over such a vast spectrum of varying degrees of intensity- I believe such flexibility in law (religious or otherwise) actually strengthens societies.

 

Part Two here

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What It Means to Be A Man

by Corbin ♥ 62 Comments

In the Muslim world (and non-Muslims world for that matter), there is a major problem. A problem so big that I believe if we fixed this one problem most other problems would correct themselves. That problem is the definition of manhood.

What most of the world defines as manly couldn’t be farther from the truth. And what comes from this misunderstanding is sexual violence, domestic violence, misogyny, single parent households, the list of societal woes goes on and on. (Read the Macho Paradox, by Jackson Katz, a vitally important book on the problem with machismo).

what-it-means

So, when I came across this article by Yasmin Mogahed, it so perfectly summed up the problem and the solution, I felt compelled to share it here on islamwich.

Yasmin Mogahed writes:

Yasmin Mogahed
Yasmin Mogahed

Last week my sister called. She has been studying abroad since summer began, so naturally I was thrilled to hear from her. After hearing how she was, I asked about her new home. With her living in a Muslim country, I felt assured that everything would be fine. For that reason, what she described next was a complete shock. She began to describe a place where a girl can hardly leave her house without being verbally harassed by men walking by. She said that the catcalling was no longer the exception; it had become the rule.

Then she told me about a Muslim girl she knew. The girl was riding in a taxi and when she arrived at her stop, she handed the driver his money. In many of these countries there are no strict meters, and since the fare is somewhat arbitrary, the driver became angry. Eventually the altercation escalated to such a degree that the driver grabbed the girl by the shoulders and began to shake her. At this, the girl became angry and insulted the driver. The driver then punched the young woman in the face.

At this point, I was extremely disturbed. But it was what my sister said next that was most devastating. Nearby, there was a group of men who saw what was happening, and rushed to the scene. Naturally they came to help the girl.

No. They stood and watched.

It was at this point in the story that I began to wonder. Suddenly I found myself questioning every definition of masculinity I had ever believed in. I wondered how a man—not one, but many—can stand and watch a woman be abused, and do absolutely nothing about it. It made me question what ideals define what it means to be a man in today’s society. Had the definition of masculinity become so distorted as to be reduced to just unbridled sex drive? Had the image of the ‘knight in shining armor’ really been replaced by visions of macho, catcalling boys in the street?

Most of all, it got me thinking about what it means to be a Muslim man today. I wondered if our dominant definitions as Muslims are really what they should be. Today, a man is expected to be stoic, unemotional, inexpressive, tough, and unbending. Physical aggression is glorified and emotional expressiveness ridiculed. I then decided to examine the epitome of what it means to be a man. I decided to look at the Prophet (peace be upon him).

One of the most common definitions of manhood today is the lack of emotional expressiveness. It is almost universally believed that to cry is ‘unmanly’ and weak. And yet the Prophet described it very differently. When the Prophet was handed his daughter’s son who was dying, his eyes flooded with tears. His companion Sa`d then told him, “What is this, Prophet of God?” He said, “This is a mercy that the Almighty has made in the hearts of His servants. And surely God has mercy to the merciful ones among His servants.” (Narrated in Bukhari)

But today, a man is not only expected to hide feelings of sadness, he is taught early on that even other emotions are not to be expressed. During the time of the Prophet, there were some men who believed the same. Once while a villager was present, Prophet Muhammad kissed his grandsons on the forehead. At that, the villager said with surprise, “I have ten children. I have never kissed any of them!” Prophet Muhammad looked at him and said, “He who does not have mercy will not have mercy upon him.” (Narrated in Bukhari) In fact, with regards to showing affection, the Prophet was very clear. He said: “If a man loves his brother in faith, he should tell him that he loves him.” (Narrated in Abu Dawud)

The Prophet used to also show a great deal of affection towards his wives. Aisha reported that the Prophet would only enjoy his meals when she would sit next to him. They would drink from one cup and he would watch where Aisha would place her lips on the cup so that he could place his lips on the exact position. He would eat from a bone after she would eat from it, placing his mouth where she had eaten. (Narrated in Muslim)

The Prophet used to also [do chores] around the house, contrary to another widely held myth of masculinity. Aisha reported, “The Prophet Muhammad used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house.” (Narrated in Bukhari & Muslim)

But, perhaps one of the most common myths of what a man should be is the idea that a man should be ‘tough.’ Gentleness is widely considered only a feminine trait. And yet the Prophet Muhammad said: “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness, nor for anything else.” (Narrated in Muslim) In another hadith, he says, “He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.” (Narrated in Muslim)

And yet so much of that gentleness has been lost from our modern definition of masculinity. It is frightening when a boy can consider it manly to sexually harass a woman on the street, but consider it no question of his manhood to stand and watch while a girl is being hit. It makes you wonder if maybe our image of what is ‘manly’ in fact resembles a Hollywood gangster more than it does our beloved Prophet.

Yasmin Mogahed is an internationally published writer and instructor of communications. This piece was originally published on her website.

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Make It An Eid to Remember

by Corbin ♥ 26 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin

Creating Eid memories

As the air becomes crisp and trees lose their leaves, something strange begins to happen in the West.

It commences with people young and old donning garb that might land them in the loony bin any other time of year; sporting baggage that would never make it past the most lax airport security checkpoint; and painting their faces- for one of two purposes- begging for candy or to go parading off to parties and bars.

But, then about a month later, everyone gathers with their kinfolk for awkward, sometimes annoying, and downright passive aggressive conversations while eating to the point of contemplating a trip to the ER for a quick stomach pump. Yes, turkey and stuffing can be that good.

But, then yet another month after that, folks ritually go out and kill a tree so they can drag it into their homes and fill it with lights and baubles. This dead tree will be the epicenter around which presents bought on borrowed money will be shared all while claiming an immortal fat man from an uninhabitable part of earth brought them.

Welcome to the holiday season. There is so much hype and pomp that goes along with it that Muslims often feel drawn to participate in the “cheer”. But why celebrate these holidays when we have the two Eids that can be as cheerful?


holiday cheerBut when you live in the West, the Eids pale in comparison to the blow outs the non-Muslims celebrate.

What are our Eid traditions?

1. We wake up. Dress up. Go to the Eid prayer.

2. We may or may not stay for the khutbah (lecture) after.

3. We may or may not go and have breakfast.

4. Since we are in the West and the Eids are not recognized as national holidays, it is highly likely that we will have to rush off to work or school at some point.

Even though the morning is filled with activities, the rest of the day falls flat like a bad souffle (not that I have ever made a souffle).

When I first converted to Islam and for several Eids after, I was bummed that Eid seemed like weak sauce compared to the holiday celebrations I had left behind. It seemed like the entire country glowed around the major holidays, but when the Eids came around, sure there would be tons of congrats exchanged at prayer, but then the Eid outfits would come off and the workaday clothes would come back on. And it was back to the daily grind almost instantly.

But then I decided that if I wanted Eid to be special, then I needed to make it special.

If each Muslim family, individual, or community made their Eid special for themselves and told those around them what Eid is, then Eid would be special. What is stopping us? Do we really need department stores to tell us to celebrate by having a holiday sale? Do we have to be reminded by a hallmark commercial that Eid is time for happiness?

Are we waiting for big corporations to commercialize our holidays? Are we waiting for community events or our bosses to ask you if we want Eid off (it will likely never happen)?

Let’s make the Eids special for our families and communities so that we don’t feel cheated out of holiday happiness. Celebrate your holidays. Take the Eids off. Keep the kids home from school. Make memories. Make it something to look forward too.

Decorate the house. Play games with the family. Make special dishes that everyone loves. Send gifts to your neighbors (if they don’t know what Eid is, then tell them).

And husbands, don’t sit back on the couch while your wife runs around making Eid merry. Get off your butt, and make Eid merry with her! 

Download free decorations for your home here or click on the pic below:

fromacraftyarab.blogspot.com
fromacraftyarab.blogspot.com

Have activities for the whole family. Clickity click here. 

eid-party
from hibamagazine.com

Make something tasty for your loved ones. Try some traditional Eastern Eid dishes (recipes here) or make your own fav comfort foods.

from www.craftionary.net
from http://www.craftionary.net

Make it an Eid to Remember!

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Where Were You? Where Are You Now?: The Anniversary of 9/11

by Corbin ♥ 12 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin

When people remember 9/11/01 they often ask one another, where were you? So, where were you?

I was on the verge of my 21st birthday, and on my way to the first day at a new job. I heard of the first plane crash on the radio (as it was thought to be an accident at that point) and didn’t think much of it, but that it was a sad loss of life.

where were you on 9/11

By the time I reached the mall (I was to be the new sales girl at New York & Co.) and went to the back of the store for training, the morning news anchors on the small TV used for training videos were telling us of the second plane crash.

My new coworkers and I were shocked. We stood around the tiny screen in silence. I can’t remember what happened next except that I sat down. I think the training videos were playing, but my mind was somewhere else.

I felt a certain sense of urgency in the air like a weather forecaster had just announced a Cat 5 hurricane was making landfall in the neighborhood.  The who, what, why, or how was unknown. 

An hour later, after more was known about the crashes, the mall was closed because our country was officially under attack. I never got to finish watching (or even start) those training videos.

Like most people’s, my life was never the same. At this point, I considered myself an unofficial Muslim. I believed in God, and his messengers from Adam to Moses to Jesus to Muhammad (Peace be upon them). I believed in the original revelation of the Torah, the Bible, and the Quran.

I held these beliefs in my heart, but never made my declaration of faith out loud (the shahada). I had been studying religions since my journey began in 1998–read more about it here, and here. 

Then the backlash came. Since “Muslims” were taking credit for the attacks, the natural reaction for the public was to attack back.  The religion in whose name the atrocities were committed and all those who followed this religion were slandered, drug through the dirt, tried and convicted as backward, corrupt, and guilty in the court of public opinion.

Life changed for Americans. Life changed for Muslims. Life really changed for Muslim Americans. 

I saw the way people treated my Muslim friends. I saw Muslims being cursed in public. I saw Muslim owned businesses close because people no longer went to them or even started rumors about the owners. I saw Muslim women being targeted in public with slander and slurs.

Because of backlash like this, I could not keep quiet while people who I shared a belief with were slandered and suffering. I spoke up. “This is not Islam”; “This is not a part of what Muslims believe”; “Muslims are just trying to make there way in this world, and raise their families, just like you and me”; “Muslims aren’t all terrorists”, “They believe in, we believe in making peace not starting war”.

“Ash hadu an La illaha ill Allah wa ash hadu anna Muhammad ar Rasulullah“:  I bear witness that there is no god but God, and that Muhammad is His messenger (Peace and Blessings be Upon Him). Two months after 9/11/01 I said this testament of faith or the shahada out loud, for the world to hear.

I couldn’t pretend to be something other than a Muslim anymore. I couldn’t sit back and watch my fellow Muslims being slandered and not say anything.

After coming out of the closet as a Muslim, it was as if a cloud in my mind had cleared. The world that had been so chaotic, sad, and confusing, came into perfect focus. It was more than metaphorical: it was a physical clearing away of senseless actions that lead to a mass of cluttered and confused paths. Paths that had been lain before me. Paths that I had been pulled toward by the generations that preceded me and pushed toward by those who were waiting to come after.

By the will of Allah (SWT), I removed myself from this deafening destruction that had me chasing my tail and the approval of those who would eternally withhold it. My path became singular. I was made to please my Creator, and that is what I intended to do.

After becoming a Muslim, for the first time in my life I became the “other”. I came to my conversion knowing this would be the case. But the reality of it was both liberating and oppressing. On one hand, I finally knew where I stood.

As a Muslim, I know I was valued as a member of my community and as a believer. As an American, I knew I would be disliked for exercising my freedom of religion. I was still being judged, but at least now I wasn’t being judged for my jean size, I was being judged for standing up for my beliefs.

As a human being, I never knew how lonely it could be to be the “other”. I never knew how hard it could be to be thought of as less than human. I never knew how unnerving it could be to be stared at like a freak.

And I never knew how strong a belief could make me. I never thought I could withstand the curses yelled at me and still smile. I never thought I could love something so intangible as faith. I never thought I could be a better version of myself.

The world has changed since 9/11/01. A lot of it for the worse, but I think there are millions of little silver linings. My life has changed since 9/11/01: a lot of it is far, far better, but nothing in this world is perfect.

So where were you on 9/11/01? And where are you now?

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