Written by Theresa Corbin
Of all the choices in life, why would a young woman living in one of the most affluent countries in the world chose Islam? Is she crazy?
Well, it is complicated.
And, yes, I am little crazy.
But Islam was not the cause or a symptom, but the therapy. Besides, we are all crazy. I find that those who don’t own their crazy are indeed the craziest.
No, there was no “miracle” or near death experience that prompted the decision. There was no man promising me love, riches, and life-long happiness if I would just convert. There wasn’t even a parting of the Gulf of Mexico.
My conversion came about through years of thinking, arguing, denying, defying, and searching. I would be foolish to think that my life experiences and my disposition did not lend themselves to my eventual decision. But for this post, I will leave them out. You are welcome.
It all began by trying to solve the Jesus problem:
Many, many decades ago, I was born to a virgin … just joking, I was born to a highly educated, agnostic, Vietnam vet with a drinking problem and a deeply religious, sarcastic, but patient, Catholic woman.
Oh, the tales I could about being raised in a house with a violent drunk and a tenacious martyr. It was as though heaven and hell waged war nightly in my home which made me very tired. I am still tired. Seriously, I need a nap.
The parents fought over many things. One topic of contention was what type of education their six children would receive. They came to a compromise. For grammar school, we (the childrens) would be afforded a Catholic education so that we may learn the mass and all the sacraments, etc. (mom’s choice). Then, for high school, we (the aforementioned childrens) would learn the ways of the world in public school (dad’s choice).
In Catholic school, I identified with those people who doubted Noah. This scared the crap out of my seven year-old-self. I made a deeply sincere request to The Creator at this point. I asked God that if He should send any more prophets that He would guide me to believe in them. This will be important later on.
In public school, I encountered people from many walks of life. No Muslims that I knew of, however. All this exposure made me question what made my way of life, culture, and religion so correct and proper?
As I was travelling down this line of questioning, I eventually came to the Jesus question.
I distinctly remember when I first wondered about Jesus’ (Peace be upon him) true nature. I was about 15 years old and I was kneeling in a pew after mass. And all of the sudden the thought popped in my mind. What if Jesus is not God? What if it is a lie? What if my life is based on a lie?- doubt, something I would learn to embrace.
The answer came in the form of manipulation i.e. if you don’t believe, you will go to hell for eternity, etc. Just believe: don’t worry your purdy, little head with thinking too much. Hilarious!
This was like telling a wood pecker not to peck at wood or a beaver not to build a damn dam. I am neurotic. All I do is think. No matter how useless the thought, I think/worry, and worry/think, and think/worry some more for good measure.
College came, and with it more space to question. Having been manipulated into silencing my intellect, it was difficult for me to give up my indoctrination. However, my college roommate and I discussed many existential topics and religion made the roster often.
She being Baptist and I Catholic, it all began with the innocent comparison of the two sects of Christianity. Then, it dangerously evolved into a debate of such things like why had the Bible been changed so many times? Why are there so many versions? Etc.
We’d opened Pandora’s box and all the repressed questions came pouring out: Did innovators in Christianity base their belief in Jesus on the original Bible or a Greek translated, 18th edition? And if it was many editions and translations later, what was editorialized and/or lost in translation? What had been added or taken out? You know, the typical 18 year-old-girl, sleep-over topics of discussion interspersed with pillow fights.
My dear roommate, who also never let me nap–brought to my attention that something like four hundred years after Jesus lived, Christian leaders decided that Jesus Christ was both human and divine.
We naturally wondered how could people come to the decision about Jesus four hundred years after his death. From Prophet to God in an evolving religion.
This eventually evolved into the great debate 1999: was Christianity mixed with Greco-Roman beliefs because of the time and place of its advent? Was Jesus (Peace be upon him) being sacrificed for ‘all of our sins’ just an extension of the belief in pagan sacrifice?
Another suspiciously Greco-Roman belief that was on the debate roster for that year: Jesus and God as son and father: Zeus and Hercules, anyone?
My roommate was more advanced in her thinking than I. She would often ask me, as I feared giving up my belief in Jesus despite the facts, “Is the search for knowledge so dangerous? Can it hurt to really search for the truth? Can it hurt to use our own intellect to find out what is fact and what is fiction?”
And my rebellious nature replied, “No, I would rather err on the side of thinking too much.” Why do I have the ability to think, if I shouldn’t use it on such a fundamental aspect of life? All signs led me to believe that Jesus was not God, there was no trinity, and yes, my life had been based on a lie.
This was the beginning of my journey.
To be continued here
Follow us (upper right of the page). Email us (firstname.lastname@example.org). Like our face with your face on Facebook (facebook.com/islamwich). Pin with us (pinterest.com/islamwich). Follow us on twitter (@islamwich).
Like the post, share it, pin it, comment on it, and/or do whatever social media magic it is that you prefer. Find out more about us in the understandably named “About Us” page and browse other posts in “Table of Contents”.
19 thoughts on “I Bear Witness: How I Came to Islam, Part 1”
Oh your name is Theresa 🙂 Just a small friendly advice sister, say strong and don’t let hates deter you from the true calling of Allah. God bless.
This was a very fascinating retelling. It can be often ignored that the ‘truth’ of something can be discovered in a moment or after long deliberation in the course of one’s existential living and reflecting, conversing and exchanging. Thank you for allowing us a glimpse of your discoveries.
Since we believe that God is Truth, it is right to relay this. If we believe something else is truth, then it might be equally right to relay this too. In either case, there’s no need to be abusive, right? That can’t be of any value if we are sincerely evaluating the truth of something. Take heart Corbin. Stay true. 🙂
Curious question: What is truth?
Thanks MWM. You are right that the truth can sometimes be discovered in a moment, and the thought came to me that it may seem like i am trying to dismiss other ways of discovering truth as invalid. This is not true. I admire those who are able to grasp the truth in a moment, but I can be a bit thick headed.
We can all be a bit like that I guess. 😉 I’m looking forward to your next part 🙂
What all religious people fail to grasp is that they demand freedom to follow whatever god they choose, yet blatantly refuse to acknowledge that the ultimate goal of religions like Christianity and Islam is to create a world under one religion and one god. Christianity and Islam are expansionist religions and have gained their ground largely by force.
Now, you tell me, which one is the right god? Jesus, Allah or Yahweh?
And what gives you the damn right to decide?
So, yes, the likes of The Ark will continually point out the gross hypocrisy of religion wherever I find it.
Unless of course you can show me a single,honest reason why I should become religious? Or better still, why it would be good for me to become a Muslim?
Give it your best shot. The Ark is all ears….
Stay strong! And looking forward to part 2 🙂
@ Imran thanks for the encouragement!
Theresa i really appreciate the way you talk about how you got to know islam and you are doing dawah … :)…jazakallah
Thank you Sayed.
Thank you so much
It is entirely my pleasure. I have to speak out about my journey. InshaAllah
Okay, I was actually expecting a jinn story…but this was unique. And 1999, way too long to even think…
You are not the first person who has said they expected me to talk about/ write about jinn. What is up with that? Maybe I should just go ahead and do it. 🙂
Go right ahead sis! I know they gots summ kazy spirit stoies down there near the bayou ?
Oh yeah, cher. We got plenty o’ that 😉
Welcome sister to our beautiful deen,Islam.
Jazakum Allah Khair