Category: Women in Islam

Shops at the Intersection of Hijab and Happening

Shops at the Intersection of Hijab and Happening

by Corbin ♥ 10 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin
shopping

In my new year post, I mentioned something about being on what seemed like and eternal quest to find a long, denim skirt (that wasn’t super schoolmarm-y). Well I have great news for those of you who are in the same boat as I. I found an awesome site that sells a wide variety of denim skirts … Read on to find out šŸ˜‰

And I thought to myself. Self!? If you- someone of astounding creativity and resourcefulness (you may insert eye roll here)- are having this problem, what other fabulously stylish, Muslim-American women (Be careful not to roll your eyes too much. They may get stuck.) are also having a hard time finding the clothing that suits their original/American aesthetic and their religious/modesty requirements?

Probably a lot. Over a period of almost 13 years of being a modest Muslimah, I have scowered the earth and the internet looking for covering clothing that also suits my own brand of style. It is a never ending journey. I have even taught myself to piece together sewing patterns to design and sew my own outfits, which is fun and challenging, but I know not everyone has the time, patience, or know-how to do the same.

So, I have compiled a list of the brick and mortar and internet shops (some tailored for Muslims, some not) that sell stuff that can suit the modest, modern Muslimah’s fashion diet.

1. Target

Who knew that one big box store could have so many suitable, stylish scarves? (Other big box shops that sell scarves and more flow-y clothing fall short on variety and quality).

Your first stop in Target is going to be the accessory section. You know, by the purses. They carry a wide array of scarves (at proper hijab proportions) from solid black, if that is your thing, to day-glow pink and everything in between.

While you may not find all of your outfitting needs here, they do offer a wide variety of layering options for the Modest Muslimah.Ā They carry long sleeve shirts, blazers, maxi skirts and maxi dresses that can be paired with their comfy jean jackets, and all is offered at reasonable prices. (Target, you can make my advertising check out to Theresa Corbin at 1983 I Don’t Advertise for Big Box Stores for Free BLVD.)

2. theskirtoutlet.com

This site solved my denim skirt dilemma. But they don’t only have the cutest, long denim skirts. They also have khaki skirts, knits skirts, fancy skirts, casual skirts, maternity skirts, girl’s skirts, and whose its and whats its galore!
And the fact that their brick and mortar shop is located in Eureka, IL is just the ironic cherry on top.

3.Ā eastessence.com

East Essence caters to the Muslimah, so you know you are getting something that won’t be see-through or super clingy. Many moons ago I ordered a gorgeous embroidered abaya from these folks. While it took a long time to ship (2 weeks), the price was so low it would have been insane to pass up ($14). Ā I expected the quality to be subparĀ at that price, but it exceeded all expectations. Ā 

The company has a wide variety of offerings for its customers. From the abaya/jilbab crowd to the skirts and tops ladies, everyone will be satisfied with the price and product quality at East Essence.

4. zulily.com

zulily is a daily deal site that offers amazing discounts on fantastic boutique quality apparel and household products. At first glance you may thinkĀ it is just for kids, but it is so much more. You might have to dig for hijabi approved apparel. But I have personally found gorgeous scarves, pizazzy palazzo pants, multitudes of maxi skirts, brilliant blazers and all from boutiques and name brands at a fraction of the retail cost.

And, no, I am not just saying this because they give you $20 if you refer a friend. I really love this site! Even if you don’t buy something at zulily for yourself, you will probably find something for the home or the kids.

Happy shopping and hijabing!

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The Media’s Message about Muslim Women

The Media’s Message about Muslim Women

by Corbin ♥ 23 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin
I happened upon this blog post from Word TurtleĀ entitled, veiled stereotypes: constructing and distorting muslim women. And of course I dropped in for a looky loo, seeing as how this is right in my wheel house. Give it a read, it truly is worth the time.
then you would be worthless

As a youth, I was first introduced to how the media instructs the populace about who they are, or (more aptly) who they should be. I came out the other side of a Seventeen magazine a crushed shell of a teenage girl. I learned from the media that a woman’s worth is in her attractiveness, and if she does not measure up (or down) she has no worth.

But as I entered college and decided on a career in journalism, I became familiar with the role the media plays and all the tricks they use, and was thankfully introduced to Jean Killbourne and her series “Killing Us Softly“. I became informed and began to heal my self worth.
I knew the detriment the media could bring about, so it was no surprise to me when I realized that I had bought another media myth that Muslim women were oppressed. The media not only tells us what to think about ourselves, it tells us what to think of others. And while it is detrimental for people to walk around with a distorted view of themselves, this is usually curable. Perceptions about oneself can and usually do change.

It is what the media sells us about others that is so harmful. Harmful because we are less likely to change our perceptions about

“Who is to blame for the war?” Nazi propaganda

those who are not in our day to day lives. The media plays a HUGE role in constructing and distorting our ideas of other human beings. Instead of recognizing each other as deeply complex and complicated people with family, history and rich inner lives; we instead take the cues from the media and form stereotypes, concluded prejudices and execute our humanity with hate. People who are other than us become tropes, less than human, and objects to do with what we wish. If there is any other greater avenue to evil, I am not aware of it.

Why the media does this is simple: It sells. The media is selling us a story of our life and times, where we (or at least the majority) are the heroes and the “other” is the villain. Hitler did this in his anti-semitic propaganda campaign very effectively. He sold the Jewish population as the enemy, and the populace bought it. Evil ensued. And even though the media tries to put the world in a box with a pretty ribbon on it, life doesn’t work like this. Evil ensues.

To illustrate how this is done, take a look at this graphic of a pregnant Muslim woman,

This image was uploaded to the Facebook page, ā€œStop the Islamization of America,ā€ an open group created by right-wing authors Pamela Geller and Robert Spencer
and read howĀ Omar,Ā a commenter to the blog post mentioned earlier, has described so perfectly how this -and images like it- are so detrimental.

[Upon seeing the graphic] I immediately thought of the stories in the news of pregnant, Muslim women who have been attacked, including one which resulted in a miscarriage. I feel it important to comment on just how problematic the graphic is and unpack the imagery.

Graphics like this are not simply a statement of some looney person’s opinion, they invoke fear that calls the viewer to action. As Omar puts it,

[…] It invokes action by suggesting pregnancy is not a neutral state irrelevant to the general public, but instead an offensive tactic against the country requiring immediate defensive action ā€“ with the urgency highlighted by a lit wick. This poster is not only inciting violence against Muslim women, but taking it to an entirely new level by proposing that the solution to the supposed demographic threat is to attack pregnant, Muslim women.

Not only does this image incite violence against a group of people, a type of speech that is not protected under the First Amendment’s Freedom of Speech -i.e. this graphic is illegal– it dehumanizes the Muslim women. And once again as the illustrious Omar says, Read more ›

What European Ideals Took from Muslim Women

What European Ideals Took from Muslim Women

by Corbin ♥ 43 Comments

This video must be watched by all, Muslims and non-Muslims.

This video is for all those non-Muslims who think Islam oppresses women.

This video is for the feminist, Muslim and non-Muslim.Ā 

This video is for all of those Muslim men who think women are housemaids.

This video is for all those Muslim women who need to claim their rights and their religion.

Tamara Gray: American Muslim convert. Yes, it is 39 + minutes, but I have included a run-down of what you need to watch:

@ 2:35 – Declaration of Sentiments signed in 1848: The beginning of Feminism

@ 3:50 –Ā Muslim Women in pre-colonial period benefited from Islam. Women had political, social, economic, educational, and religious power.

@7:15 –Ā When Europeans began to rule Muslim lands, The European attitudes toward women as property and servants to men infiltrated Muslim societies.Ā 

Ā @ 9:20 –Ā In the face of deterioration of the rights of woman, Feminism took root. But became synonymous with anti-Islam or the non-religious woman.

@ 12:00 –Ā Islam does indeed deal with the issue of the feminist movement.

@ 12:30 –Ā Islam does not need Western Feminism, but Muslims could use a jolt of Western Feminism.

@ 13:50 –Ā Striping colonialism from our thinking, getting back to women’s right in Islam is the only cure. Women at the time of the Prophet (Peace and Blessings Upon Him- PBUH) did not sit back and wait to be asked to participate. Women were integral in public, political, economic, civil, and educational roles AND were paid equally for it.

@ 17:00 –Ā Hijab was/and is the ultimate way for women to be recognized as powerful and as someone who is to be respected.

@ 25:00 –Ā What Muslim men are doing wrong according to Islam. A bit of retribution.

@ 27:00 –Ā Men have a share in work at home. The Prophet would work at home, not help, but work. Ā Housework is NOT the Islamic duty of a woman.

@ 30:00 –Ā Support, encouragement, and celebration of women’s accomplishments is the tradition of the Prophet (PBUH).Ā 


liberation through education

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Facebook Creepers

Facebook Creepers

by Corbin ♥ 15 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbinthey-be-stalking-every-siter-up-in-facebok

As a Muslim lady on the Facebook (heretofore known as fb) and an American convert at that (green card, anyone?), it seems that brothers of lesser morals peg me as easy fb prey. These rejects, have in the past, gotten their face ripped off- Beware the Corbin when she is protecting her privacy and haya!! Terrible tales can be told of the snarky, bugger off messages I have written in days gone by (it’s fun but not always effective, as you will learn in this post).

Corbin can't be bothered
Corbin can’t be bothered

I am by NO means alone in the Muslim brother creeper* situation.

It is an unfortunate epidemic.

Ā Brother Creeper– (n.) A creeper who is also Muslim man-boy. This creature stalks your fb profile because he sees that you are a Muslim … and a female … with a pulse. Regardless of your marital status (he has no respect for himself, so why should he have respect for you, your husband, or your marriage) he sends friend requests repeatedly and PMs you endlessly.

You might be thinking, why donā€™t you just not friend guys. DUH! Why didnā€™t I think of that (rolls eyes)?

p.s. stop victim blaming! If a sister chooses to friend men on fb, does that mean she should be blamed for harassment? NO! Many sisters add dudes and many donā€™t (FYI: I don’t). It is a personal choice and should be respected.

even if this is your profile pic they will still add you, try to chat with you, stalk you.
even if this is your profile pic they will still add you, try to chat with you, stalk you.

But those brothers who are friends with sisters on fb will often creep around trying to friend the friends of their friends. Confused yet? It is simple. Weirdos are stalking sisters on fb. Even if you reject their request to be friends they will pm you all damn day long.

It is a problem. Sisters are even driven to such extremes as to change their fb pics to a graphic that says something to the tune of: brothers don’t add me!! And they still post that brothers are harassing them.

You can have your fb privacy setting so high that not even you can see your info, posts, or pics, and they will still find you.

I know that not every sister is battle hardened, and can spot a creeper a deal with him (know-how comes with time, but there is no time to waste). Ā So I have compiled a list of types of creepers, their bag of tricks, and what to do when one is face-to-face with one in the wild.

even creepers need to replenish their electrolytes
even creepers need to replenish their electrolytes

FB creepers: know your creepers and how to repel them.

The Lurker

hi! we can friend be, yes?
hi! we can friend be, yes?

Signs you might have a lurker: This guy continues to friend request you and PM you. Only says “hi” or similar greeting. You keep declining the request and don’t respond to the PMs, but he persists. If this isĀ your only creeper problem, you are in luck. This guy can’t take a hint, probably only knows “hi” in English, but he is generally harmless.

Rx: Ignore! And continue to Ignore. Ā If you try to talk to him and say go away, it will only get worse. He will go away like an ant when there is no more food in the pantry if you resist the urge to respond.

The Manipulator

He sends random PMs saying something along the lines of “Stop PM-ing me. I am married!!” This brother creeper is baiting you. He wants you to protest that you don’t know him and have never PM-ed him. And when you do PM him this, bam! He starts a convo about how he is sorry for the confusion … where are you from, sister? … and it spirals out of control from there.

Rx: You can just ignore this brother’s baiting or block him if you are feeling especially annoyed by this tactic. But whatever you do, do. not. re. spond. You will feel a sudden sharp localized pain in your stomach or behind your eye (stay calm! this is just repulsion.) when you read his manipulative message. That is the intended effect. He wants to light a fire under you to spring you into action. IGNORE and block if you can’t stand it.

The Romeo Wannabe

His trick is to try and stroke your ego, complimenting you and sometimes will even offer to marry you. “Oh sister,Ā you are so beautiful. I love what you post. You are so smart. I think we will make a good match.” And other classics like “Oh sister, you are so perfect and funny, will you friend me?”Ā He has told many other sisters these same sorry lines.

I do mind
I do mind

Rx: Even though everything he is saying is true, you are gorgeous and smart and funny, do not be flattered. He is telling you something that is obvious to everyone, even if everyone doesn’t take the time to say it. (if you don’t believe this, don’t let your low self-esteem drive you into his trap) Ignore. He will copy and paste the same message to the next sister on his creeper list.

The Undercover Brother

This brother creeper poses as a sister to infiltrate your friend list and yourĀ life. It can be hard to tellĀ sometimes whether this creeper

what a mighty thick beard you have, sister
what a mighty thick beard you have, sister

is really a man or a woman, because shim’s profile can be replete with pics of shim’s kids, pics of shimself on vaca. Shim is even friends with many other sisters you know. These pics are stolen and he has tricked your friends as well. Ways to tell if you have undercover brother in your midst: Try to talk about religion. If “she” claims to be a Muslim, but steers the conversation away from this topic, this is a red flag. If “she” asks you to send her pics of you without hijab, run. If “she” asks to video chat and you hardly know “her”, like at all, run. If “she” is waaaaayyy to eager to get you to talk to “her brother” about marriage, you probably have a dude on your hands (wash thoroughly with bleach).

Rx: BLOCK his butt. And plaster his profile all over fb. Warn people that this is really a man posing as a sister.

The Triangulator

This creeper is like the opposite of The Undercover Brother. This creeper is not a brother, but a sister who insists that you get together with this guy she knows. She has friended you, chatted you up, and is now trying to put together a love triangle. She is a triangulator. What the What?! She love long walks on the beach, has an affinity for drama, and Ā is currently involved with a dude. A dude, for some super creepy reason, that she thinks you should marry and/or otherwise take off of her hands (but she’ll probably want to stay in the picture). This Bee be crazy!!!Ā I cannot say why she wants this because this kind of crazy is so far outside of the normal human’s scope it is hard to even fathom a reason for it.

Rx: Simply refuse to get involved in her drama, she will pitch a fit and curse you out then block you. This will be the best thing she can do for you. Bye, bye crazy lady!

The Shameless

This brother doesn’t care and he is casting a wide net. He may try one or more of the following: Send a very private pic on “accident”. Straight up try to talk to you about sex. Ask for a naked pic of you. Ask you any manner of question that

I am a troll and need to be put down.
I am a troll and need to be put down.

is between you and your OB-GYN. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he will try to make you feel bad, cursing and insulting you. This “brother” is a plague on society. He has a corrupt heart and needs to be in prison or worse.

Rx: Same as with the undercover brother, but with the added element of reporting him to fb. And if you find out where he lives and that happens to be the US (but he is usually from some nameless country in the near East), see if you can press charges!

You might think that this problem is due to the amount of young brothers trying to get married.

Don’t be naive. There are plenty of good brothers who find respectful ways to go about this. And even the older and married brothers are perpetrators of these crimes and even prey on married women.

You might say boys will be boys

You are a major part of the problem. It is this mentality that let’s men get away with sexual violence, harassment, and all manners of evil that are destroying this world. Ā Please find a nice cozy spot in traffic and go hang out there during rush hour.

Whatever the cause (male perversion? brother needs a job/hobby/cold showers/castration/death penalty?), don’t let creepers keep you from enjoying social media. It can be used for good! And I would miss you, sister, if you left.

Follow us (upper right of the page), email us (islamwich@yahoo.com), like our face with your face on Facebook, like the post, share it, pin it, comment on it, and/or do whatever social media magic it is that you prefer. Find out more about us in the understandably named ā€œAbout Usā€ page and browse other posts in our brand spanking new ā€œTable of Contentsā€.

I Didn’t Meme It

I Didn’t Meme It

by Corbin ♥ 5 Comments

Just for funsies and because things are getting waAAAAay too serious I have compiled (eh hem borrowed/stolen) some memes from American Muslim Memes.

For the Kitty Cat lover in you


cat

Not recommended but I have to admit I dream about doing this

salam

What my sister thinks when I make wudu at her house

wudu

For the young brothers

beards

For the older brothers

beard 2

For the white converts

white

For all my sisters who are trying to get married

sisters

For all my brothers who are trying to get married

dude

Totally!

sahoor

This post was brought to you by the letter “a”. “A” is for Apple, Allah, and Alrighty I gotta go.

And a special thanks to American Muslim Memes, you rock!

Have a great hump day, everyone!

Follow us (upper right of the page), email us (islamwich@yahoo.com), like our face with your face on Facebook, like the post, share it, pin it, comment on it, and/or do whatever social media magic it is that you prefer. Find out more about us in the understandably named ā€œAbout Usā€ page and browse other posts in our brand spanking new ā€œTable of Contentsā€.

Image

Polygamy Explained, Part 2: Rules of Engagement

by Corbin ♥ 5 Comments

Written by Theresa Corbin

Part I here

Many people have an emotional response to the thought of polygamy.

It only makes sense. When you ask someone to think logically about their emotional relationships, it can be difficult.Ā  The ugly emotional center of the brain rears up and goes into attack mode, bullying the more logical frontal lobe into submission.

polygamy explained part 2

It is hard to separate the emotional and the logical. Add that fact to the fact that we live in a culture that is emotionally attached to believing Disney fairy tales are true … and happen in real life … makes it very difficult to have a logical conversation about polygamy.Ā 

But we can logically conclude that if a bird has never flown in yourĀ window and helped out with your laundry, it is less likely that a good looking, well-mannered, charming, respectful man or woman from a royal line and tons of money and super good looks will swoop in and solve and/or save you from every problem you have.

And you will most likely not live happily ever after just because you have faith in love. To my mind, this leads to alcoholism. Sorry to break the news. We are all just people and we all screw up and break each otherā€™s hearts.

In the previous post our good friend Gracie touched on the topic of polygyny (Polygamous marriages where a man marries more than one women) and gave examples of when it is advantageous for women.

And she pointed out that, while we live in a society and a time where women have many opportunities to be educated and independent, not everyone has this system or these opportunities. And even those who do have these opportunities, may still choose polygamy for other reasons.

For some people polygamy works (but if you are in a country where it is illegal and you want to get polygamous, you have two options 1-donā€™t do it, or 2-leave). That is not to say it is for everyone. It REALLY isnā€™t.

A tip for the sisters: No one should make anyone be a part of a polygamous relationship against their will.

Muslims didn’t start the party

Some non-Muslims base their opinion of Islam solely on the practice of polygyny. But can we please, just for today, remember a little further back than the American media recommends?Ā 

Islam was not the initiator or promoter of polygamy. Polygamy was being practiced long before the existence of Islam.Ā Jews, Christians, and many other [religions and] cultures practiced polygamy, and some still continue to do so. Famous prophets practiced polygamy, such as David, Solomon, and Abraham. In fact, Islam was the only religion that restricted and regulated polygamous marriages.

–al-islam.orgĀ 

And, we at islamwich do not advocate polygamy outside of the strict Islamic guidelines.

THAT never works, because it can so very quickly become oppressive. The way some communities practice polygamy is rather reprehensible. I have heard of men marrying pairs of sisters and even mothers and daughters (you are just asking for drama in those situations) and all women are sleeping on the floor of one room. That is called greed and neglect, not polygamy.

Even within some Muslim familiesĀ polygamy is not practice in compliance with the Islamic guidelines. I have seen it a hundred times, some lazy piece of $#!+ brother marries a nice religious sister, who may not have a lot of Islamic knowledge, but she tries. And this brother convinces her that it is his right to marry another woman.

The problem is he isnā€™t taking care of the first wife. She works, does all the chores, and is raising their children. I am sure he is bored with no way to expend his energy besides sitting around playing video games and talking about how women donā€™t wear hijab properly. And I am sure she is exhausted from all her responsibilities. His “logical” answer is to get another one. WRONG!!!!!

Another tip for sisters: You get to write a contract when you get married. If you aren’t down with getting polygamous, put it in your contract. And YES, it is allowed. Just askĀ Ibn al-Qayyim who wrote in ZĆ¢d al-Ma`Ć¢d (5/117-118):

If a man agrees to the condition that he will not marry a second wife, he is obliged by that condition. If the man breaks his promise, the woman will be entitled to terminate the marriage contract.

And there is a precedent for it in the Sunnah.Ā 

The rules of the road.

[..] marry women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one. (Quran 4:3)

1-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Polygamy is not an obligated rule; it is a permissible act.

In truth, not many men can stand up to the test of polygamy, but they still want to fail trying because they believe it to be their ā€œrightā€. But:

Polygamy is not a right, but a responsibility to ensure social justice […] What Allah has granted is in fact a restriction on an existing practice of that time when men could marry as many wives as they wanted.- pbs.orgĀ 

2-Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  Itā€™s all about the Benjamins-

It is the manā€™s responsibility to provide for his family. He must, to the best of his ability, provide his wife and their offspring with an appropriate standard of living. If the wife decides she would also like to earn money, it is hers to keep, entirely (this is not to say that couples cannot make different arrangements for financial means. They can but only if both partners agree).Ā 

So, if you cannot afford one wife and your children with her, you absolutely cannot go looking for another wife you cannot afford to provide for.Ā To be clear, wives should be given separate accommodations. So, if you can’t afford two house or even apartment, shut up about another wife.Ā 

3- Ā  Ā  Ā  Allah says in the Quran that men are not capable.

You will never able to be fair and just between women even if that were your ardent desire. (Quran 4:129).

In this verse, just treatment means so much more than a man’s financial capacity to support more than one wife. We have seen it before, men with money are very capable of showering their loved one’s with things, but seem incapable of doing the same showering with time or affection.Ā 

A husband must give equally to each wife his time, support, and companionship.Ā 

4- Ā  Ā  Ā  It ain’t no fantasy, folks Ā 

Polygamy in Islam is not an orgy as it has been too long thought of in the Western men’s lust fulfillment fantasy. Polygamy in Islam is taking on the responsibilities of another family. It is a man giving his respect to all his in-laws. It is dealing with the good, the bad, and the ugly from multiple women. It is working as much as you have to, so you can support your wives and all your children financially, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and so on.

It is hard enough to be man enough for one woman and family; imagine having to work two to four times as hard.- My husbandĀ said in an interview after he did the dishes: an effort to live up to the Prophet’s (PBUH) example of being man enough to do housework.

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Polygamy Explained, Part I: A Societal Need?

by gracielawrence ♥ 27 Comments

Written by Gracie Lawrence

Since the days that exotic tales of everyday wealthy Ottoman life began to waft onto European shores, wondering Western romantic minds have been painting up portraits of what Eastern harrams (pronounced hair-ums in some southern cities) must have looked like. Ladies lavishly washing, beautifying themselves and their long manes, and perhaps even making exquisitely succulent turkey dinners ā€¦ together … just for you.

Polygamy Part 1

Equally ridiculous is howĀ having 4 sets of in-laws, the various responsibilities of those women and resulting amount of children, and how alllll that would affectĀ Sunday night football never quite occurs to many men.

I thought it would be interesting to talk about why anyone might want to be in a polygamous marriage in the first place (PART 1) and no, not from a male point of view ā€¦ boring!Ā Secondly, what responsibilities that would entail for a man (PART 2).

Wait, whaatt? Muslim men have duties to their wife/wives? Ā YUP!

Polygamy (or more specifically, Polygyny-Ā in which a man has more than one wife) can be a difficult thing for the Western mind to imagine as anything other than an oppressive venture.

However, the disturbingā€“to-some fact remains that a large part of the world does practice polygamy and has practiced it for thousands of whyyourarelyseeafemalypolygamist[1]years (conjuring up stories of King Solomon here).

According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies noted, only 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry (in which a womanĀ has more than one husband- Part 3, maybe?).

However, even in countries where polygyny is practiced only 16-30%Ā of people actually utilize it. Therefore, clearly even in polygyny friendly societies, this form of marriage is not dominant.

Moreover,Ā there are various kinds, female choice polygyny systems seen among South American natives (see this one about a Bolivian tribe) are going to be different than a male coercion model.

There are many reasons why marriages may become polygamous. But I think it first appropriate to bring forth the appropriate backdrop.

Lifting the Western goggles

Picture it ā€¦ the Earth, the date- today.

Even in this century, the majority of the world does not have the economic system or wealth of modern post- industrialized nations.Ā 

Taking into consideration that most of human civilization has been overrun with serious poverty,Ā men and women dying fromĀ preventable diseases, and women dying dueĀ to childbirth related complications, (Maternal Deaths Sub-Saharan Africa) life and social taboos in many places were and still are vastly different from the Western context.

Now that we have taken our Western goggles off

Letā€™s have a look around and think of just some examples where polygynyĀ might occur and work … without being oppressive to women.

1. Poverty

Youā€™re a poor girl whose father and only bread winner of the family just passed away. Unfortunately for you women don’t have the option of earning wages. And you really donā€™t like being poor. While there are plenty of single, young goat-herding men around- they are also poor and therefore not very interesting to you.

There is, however, an older, charming a laā€™ Sean Connery merchantĀ who is actually very well off. Ā He already has two wives, but have you seen their homes? And you would be the youngest and favorite wife, right?

2. War

Youā€™re a poor girl who lives in a village that has just been annihilated by aĀ fairly rich country. Most of the men have been slaughtered, including your father the protector and only bread winner of the family.

You are stuck with the few males who were too old to be considered a threat to invaders. They all have at least one wife already. But you really want some babies, a few meals a day, and some protection in your now lawless area. Polygyny is aĀ better than your onlyĀ otherĀ option- prostitution (which sky-rockets in conflict zones).

3. You’re tired

You are a married woman with a few kids, and you have been married to your husband for a while now. Heā€™s a nice guy- you love him- you would never think of leaving him or separating him from the kids. But the man has the sexual appetite that can be compared to a pack of starved wildebeests ā€¦ every ā€¦ single ā€¦ night.

You on the other hand are a once a week kind of girl. You tell him he either needs a new hobby or a new wife- not that he can’t just overcome his urge, but youā€™re pretty practical at this point in your life–why not?

I could go on and on with these circumstances and the driving factors for women to want polygyny (your parents donā€™t even have to die in these scenarios and the last one isnā€™t even poverty dependent).Ā 

 

Even Tim Harford at Slate recognizes the benefits of such a system in his article hilariously entitled I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do: The Economic Case for Polygamy

This probably all sounds very foreign to you, and of course it is! (Except for the marrying for money part because we all know of some gold digger who did that.) It is not part of our culture to have a lot of these problems, but that doesnā€™t mean that they havenā€™t beenĀ an issueĀ or are still occurring in many parts of the world RIGHT NOW.

What Islam does is regulate these unionsĀ so thatĀ as few people get hurt as possible (no abusing women, using men purely as sperm donors, the rights of children, etc.).

AndĀ in a species such as ours where almost every characteristic (including sexual appetite) can be spread over such a vast spectrum of varying degrees of intensity- I believe such flexibility in law (religious or otherwise) actually strengthens societies.

 

Part TwoĀ here

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