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Who Does the Housework?: Marriage Issues

Written by Theresa Corbin

Traditionally, in most parts of the world, men left the home and worked for a few hours a day and earned money, while women worked 24 hours a day cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing for free. 

There are examples in many societies were these roles where not so clear cut. We can think of a quite a few examples of Muslim women who were (are) business owners, boss ladies, scholars, etc. And we can think of many examples of Muslim women who took (take) care of the home and family, and even examples of women who did both.  

who does the housework

But in modern times, it has become a matter of degradation to be the one in the family who does the dishes, washes the clothes, and generally takes care of the home and family. Some even go as far as to call it “woman’s work”, and view nurturing and caring for our property and our loved ones as humiliating tasks.

There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker, whether you are male or female. In fact it takes a strong person to work for free and without much gratitude from others.

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Confusion Muslims Create

Written by Theresa Corbin

A lot has been said/written about the misconceptions non-Muslim have about Islam. Most of these misconceptions have been created by the Western media or by non-Muslims themselves *cough* orientalism *cough*.

Confusion Muslims Create

But I think it is time to talk about how Muslims themselves create misconceptions or confusion about Islam. Yes, it happens! Not surprised? You shouldn’t be. 

Confusion Muslims create:

1. Muslims are always angry, therefore this must be Islam

Yvette Sanchez*, a Muslim convert, a scientist, and mother of three, says:

Muslims propagate the myth that we are aggressive, angry, & emotional.

There is a group of Muslims that take themselves too seriously. They scowl all the time. They riot over every insult that any other faith community would just ignore. They are ALWAYS offended by something. These people have anger-management issues that have nothing to do with Islam. 

We need to get over ourselves, folks. Have a laugh at yourself once in a while. The Prophet (PBUH) smiled, joked, played, and withstood insult with grace. Check out Humor in the Muslim Heritage for more about the sense of humor of the Prophet. If your Islam doesn’t make you generous, friendly, and smiley; you are doing it wrong!

2. Islam is a culture

I hear this all the time, whether it is someone speaking about Islamic culture or someone asking me about my Muslim culture. Muslims who are very insular in their part of the world and then migrate to the West often bring with them the idea that somehow their culture IS Islam. But the thing is that there is religion and their is culture. sometimes they intertwine. Sometimes they don’t.  

I am a Muslim by faith and an American by culture. I eat red beans and rice without pork and with a nice cold beer … a root beer. I wear denim in a modest way. I say “salam, y’all” way too much. I’m an American Muslim and am not in need of any other culture in order to practice my faith. 

Janice Jan, a Latina American Muslim convert, says that Islam is misrepresented by:

Those Muslims who follow their culture as if it is real Islam. Those Muslims who practice caste system.

This practice can be very confusing to the onlooker because Muslims come from a variety of cultures: Southeast Asian, Middle Eastern, Indonesian, Chinese, Western European, American. Any culture you can think of, Muslims come from and participate in. Check out my post, “What is the Islamic World” for more on this topic. 

However, this cultural confusion isn’t a huge problem until a Muslim, who is in direct contradiction to Islam, practices a cultural “quirk” and then turns around and calls their un-Islamic habits- Islam.

Cultural example: Saudi’s restriction on women drivers. It’s a cultural thing that many Saudis themselves believe to be Islamic. 

But what is actually Islamic is that all the women in The Prophet’s (PBUH) day rode camels, and he never said boo about it. Seeing as how camels were the mode of transport back in the day, it is safe to say riding a camel is equivalent to driving a car.

We need to learn the difference between religion and culture and stop confusing the two. And stop confusing the world with our confusion.

3. Muslims believe that women are not equal to men

Speaking of women, this is another myth about Islam that Muslims propagate.

Asif Balouch, from philasify101.blogspot.com, says that one myth Muslims propagate is that of 

Women being lesser. This is perpetuated most heavily via the mosque. The barrier that is placed, the women’s area being less accommodated, roomy and whatnot. Women practically being ostracized. Having to write in questions at Q&A rather than speak, etc.

In Islam women and men are EQUAL!! End of story.

Women need not be marginalized. The Prophet (PBUH) interacted, visited, and even sought counsel from women on a regular basis. He did not bar them from the Masajid (plural for masjid or mosque). He did not send them away when they approached him. He never treated them as or said they were less than men. 

What he did say was that:

Men and women are twin halves of each other. (Narrated in Bukhari)

We are in a sad state if we cannot honor women. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to women. (Narrated in Tirmidhi)

Discrimination against women is prolific in the Muslim world and in direct contradiction to Islam. Women are having their genitalia mutilated, being forced to marry their rapist, being forced into marriage period, barred from education, barred from the workplace, and the list of un-Islamic treatment of women goes on. 

It is a mark of arrogance that some men think themselves superior when Allah (SWT) tells us directly that no one has superiority except by righteousness, something earned and not innate or gendered. 

4. Muslims are obsessed with hijab

Kiara Shank, a Muslim who observes hijab, says:

Muslims have an obsession with the hijab. I find it rather sad that we have reduced our religion to covering and not much else. There are more dire issues facing our ummah [community] than if a sister is wearing hijab correctly or not.

Hijab is a small part of Islam. More about hijab in my Hijabology post. But it is something external. So, many Muslims focus on it as a determining factor of faith. And while it is obligatory for women and men to dress modestly in respect to what is prescribed by Allah (SWT), many times Muslims will place the burden of modesty on women. 

A Muslim woman could be the best she can in her worship of Allah (SWT), but her only failing (we all have at least one) is that she does not dress observe hijab, and she will be chastised and ostracized by those Muslims who may not do any acts of worship except dressing modestly.

We need to know that if faith is in the heart it cannot be seen, it cannot be judged, the connection with Allah (SWT) is invisible. Hijab does not define Islam, and it certainly doesn’t define someone’s faith.  

5. Muslims are untrustworthy

Deen Stewart says:

So many times I have dealings with other Muslims in business and I know that when they use the word InshaAllah [God Willing], it means that whatever has been inshaAllah-ed, won’t get done. As a Muslim myself, I find this behavior and misuse of InshaAllah really gross.

I like to call this the InshaAllah Paradox. Some Muslims think that by saying InshaAllah they can get out of doing anything they have promised to do, acting as if their lack of effort in doing things promised was Allah’s (SWT) will. This is just laziness and a manipulation of faith. There’s a difference between Allah’s will and our own effort in seeking the means.  

It has gotten so bad that most non-Muslims think that inshaAllah means NO! When it actually means that you will do everything in your power to do what you agreed to. And if God’s will prevents you, you know you still did everything in your power. 

Muslims, we need to take these things seriously. Creating confusion about Islam is a serious matter. In fact, we could be misguiding people by our actions. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be responsible for that.

*Name changed for privacy.

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Female Genital Mutilation- Excavating Sharia Part 2

As a faith community, we are facing a serious crisis in human (and God given) rights violations. Many of those “in charge” are and have been misusing religious texts to cripple more than half of our population- women.

We are a global community and these issues have infected our lives on a global scale. Because of these issues, Saadia Haq and I are “Excavating Shariah” in an attempt to chip away at the fiqh interpretations (human understanding of the Shariah (Islamic) law) that have either intentionally or unintentionally ignored the female experience, oppressed women, or co-opted women’s religious dedication.

Female Genital Mutilation Part 2

Part 2 Written by Theresa Corbin

We take it as a serious matter that Islam has been wrongfully used as a weapon against women. We feel we have the right and an obligation, as Muslims, to speak on these issues. Currently we are “excavating” the affront that is Female Genital Mutilation (FGM).

What is FGM

“Female genital mutilation (FGM) comprises all procedures involving partial or total removal of the female external genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons” -The World Health Organization (WHO)

There are four types of FMG that increase in horrific nature from the removal of the clitoris to the removal of all external genital tissue and creation of a seal over the vagina, leaving only a small hole for urine and menstrual blood to escape.

It’s hard to read, I know. But imagine having to live through it. A few years ago, I read about the procedures in depth and I was beyond shocked by the brutality and severe physical and emotional scars and complication the victims are left with. Read more here if you want to know more about this brutal reality.

History of FGM

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Female Genital Mutilation- Excavating Sharia Part 1

As a faith community, we are facing a serious crisis in human (and God given) rights violations. Many of those “in charge” are and have been misusing religious texts to cripple more than half of our population- women.

We are a global community and these issues have infected our lives on a global scale. Because of these issues, Saadia Haq and I are “Excavating Shariah” in an attempt to chip away at the fiqh interpretations (human understanding of the Shariah (Islamic) law) that have either intentionally or unintentionally ignored the female experience, oppressed women, or co-opted women’s religious dedication.

FGM Excavating Sharia

 

Part 1 written by Saadia Haq

A new low was achieved this August, thanks to an Egyptian politician Elhamy Agina blatant argument that women’s sexual appetite needed to be curbed through FGM because in reality “men were sexually weak” and unable to match their bedroom demands.

This caused an international outcry whereas I was transported back into time during my university days in Jordan. My short time in Amman provided me with insider view into the Middle Eastern cultures; soon I made lots of female friends that were pleasantly welcoming to a South Asian Muslim woman. The unique combination of studying rights issues in a progressive Muslim nation like Jordan and living together with diverse group of women from Arabian and African nations helped foster many bonds that have grown stronger with time.

Continue reading on Saadia Haq’s blog The Human Lens here

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Policing The Haram Police

Written by Theresa Corbin

Woop-woop! That’s the sound of the police.

A few weeks ago I wrote about Haram-loading as it pertains to new Muslims. Then I thought to myself that this issue goes so much further than just harming new Muslims. The haram police are real and destructive to Muslims at all levels and stages of faith.

policing the haram police

I’m not talking about the actual haram police in Saudi, or the morality police (a ridiculous misrepresentation of Islam, misuse of money, and the real meaning of Bureaucratic BS). I’m also not talking about the word “haram” as it is used in every day, modern Arabic language where it means “shame on you” and has little to do with religion.   

I’m talking about that one sister or brother–usually young and overly zealous or old and having nothing else to do– who takes joy in beating people upside the head with their Islamic “knowledge” or just likes to humiliate fellow Muslims in the masjid, in Islamic organizations, on the street, and/or on social media.

Haram Police (n.) People who take it up on themselves to explain, publicly or harshly in private, that everything you are doing is basically a sin.

The policing agent has no licences other than being a control freak and a busy body. They often pretend to have your best intentions at heart, but their actions of shaming you in public or speaking harshly to you in private speaks to their actual intention.

They are often caught saying things are haram that are not actually haram and caught doing what is actually haram and defending it.

haram police

When you encounter the haram police in the wild, walk the other way, or climb a tree (anything to not cross paths with them), and yell “Salam” at them from a safe distance. They will probably find this description and advice to be haram as well. I can hear their prayer beads (aka biddah beads) clicking now as they rush toward the comment section.

Dear haram police, feel free to comment. But know that I will also feel free to liberate you from your “everyone’s soul is in my hands” attitude.

Enjoining the God and forbidding the evil

The following verse is the main weapon in the haram polices’ arsenal:

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give charity and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those – Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise

Since when have you seen allies of one another tear each other down, or use information as a weapon against each other? Since when does enjoining the good include trying to compel someone to act or dress or do things a certain way without the knowledge of the why and the intentions of pleasing Allah (SWT)? 

They would not want someone to be their allies in the way they act as “allies” to other Muslims. They have forgotten to balance the above verse with the following hadith:

None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself. (Narrated in Bukhari and Muslim)

Different stages of understanding

Haram policing is an issue of not being able to recognize that everyone’s journey is different. People learn at different rates. Some people are working on internal issues before they get to the outward appearance of a Muslim. Other people are going through situations others could never imagine. Every Muslim comes to live Islam in different stages in different ways, but it always takes time. 

It is clear from their lack of empathy that the haram police has forgotten their own path. They have not considered that the Prophet (PBUH) never harassed people into practicing Islam. They have forgotten that Islam came in stages over 23 years. 

They over look the saying of the Prophet (PBUH):

Make things simple and do not complicate them. Calm people and do not drive them away. (Narrated in Bukhari)

Manners and compassion

Haram policing is not just giving information to fellow Muslims and looking out for them when it comes to committing sins. Haram policing has a malicious component that is integral to the term and the actions that come out of it. It is always done either in a public and humiliating way or in private but with excessive harshness.

How ever it is done, the hallmark of the haram police is that they lack Islamic manners. The manners of Islam are kindness and leniency. If the Prophet (PBUH) had been like the haram police are today, we would not even know of a word called Islam. 

So by mercy from Allah , [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. (Quran 3:159)

To find out how exactly to look out for your brother or sister in faith with compassion and manners, check out this helpful guide. 

This kind of treatment is nothing new. Some have even lost their faith to the haram police’s opinion for want of compassion. Being beaten over the head by rules and regulations without thought of empathy, compassion, or manners has a hardening effect on the victims heart. 

You cannot enforce laws in an oppressive and callous way when those very laws were meant to bring justice, mercy, and compassion. It doesn’t work like that. But that is what we do to each other from interpersonal relationships all the way up to the government level.

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‘Merica Trumped All Over Itself. Now What?

America Trump Itself

After Americans elected a tangerine tinted dumpster fire to be its next president, there is only one question that remains. Which prison gang will you join?

Join us next week as we continue to use humor to cover up pain.

Good night and go with God.

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Trump’s Campaign of Hate Made Me Homeless

Written by Theresa Corbin

That’s right. I’m currently without a home. Have been since the beginning of September. Not in the sense that I am living on the street. Alhamdulillah I have a roof over my head. But I AM currently without a country at the moment. With election day approaching in the US, I thought I would share my tale with you.

Trump's Campaign Made me Homeless

Originally published on AboutIslam.net

I never imagined that a presidential campaign could change my life so suddenly and drastically. For most of my life, a presidential election meant old, white men running from city to city, politely yelling at each other about things they didn’t actually care about, and promising to do things they had NO intention of doing.

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