Written by Theresa Corbin
Traditionally, in most parts of the world, men left the home and worked for a few hours a day and earned money, while women worked 24 hours a day cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing for free.
There are examples in many societies were these roles where not so clear cut. We can think of a quite a few examples of Muslim women who were (are) business owners, boss ladies, scholars, etc. And we can think of many examples of Muslim women who took (take) care of the home and family, and even examples of women who did both.
But in modern times, it has become a matter of degradation to be the one in the family who does the dishes, washes the clothes, and generally takes care of the home and family. Some even go as far as to call it “woman’s work”, and view nurturing and caring for our property and our loved ones as humiliating tasks.
There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker, whether you are male or female. In fact it takes a strong person to work for free and without much gratitude from others.
Think of all the people who washed the dishes once and expected a parade in their honor. That’s because these kinds of people do not have the strength or wisdom to do the thankless and unpaid work that creates a clean and happy environment for the family.
When we look to Islamic perspective, the work of nurturing loved ones and caring for the home is not prescribed for women even though women are usually the ones who have the strength to do it. Nowhere in the Quran or the Sunnah does it say that woman shall wash-eth the dishes or it doth be for the female to scrub-eth the hearth.
In fact, there are several ahadith (prophetic traditions) that state plainly that the Prophet (PBUH) did a lot of housework. Aisha, the wife of the Prophet (May God be pleased with her), was asked:
What did the Prophet do in his house? She replied, He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time for prayer he would go for it. (Narrated in Bukhari)
In another report Aisha said:
He mended sandals and patched garments and sewed.” (Adab Al-Mufrad graded sahih by Al-Albani)
Note that in these ahadith, it does not say that he helped. Many people will phrase these ahadith as him helping out around the house. But the word “helped” implies it was someone else’s burden to bear, and he was just helping them.
It says he did work. He did housework. He cared for and nurtured his family and didn’t expect anyone else to do it for him. Nor did he find it beneath him. Islam does not assign one gender to be responsible for the housework. In fact, in some schools of though, if the wife does fill the role of cook and housekeeper, she is to be paid for her effort.
Women are not meant to be married just because men “need” maids and cooks (I believe men are entirely capable of doing these things all by themselves). Women are to be married as partners to men and men to be married as partners to women.
They are your garment and you are a garment for them. (Quran 2:187)
And housework is not “woman’s work” in the Quran nor is it considered a degrading role in the Sunnah.
And so it is up to each couple, each family to equitably negotiate who does what around the house without putting too much burden on one person. So, dear bothers, please keep this in mind when your wife comes home from work and you expect her to cook dinner and clean the house while you watch TV. You are not entitled to rest while she works by virtue of your gender.
But there is a balance in this. Because sisters also need to keep this sharing the burden thing this garment to each other thing in mind when your husband is working three jobs just to make ends meet and you get mad and make a gender issue out of him forgetting to pick up his socks because he is delirious.
Our job as spouses is to share the load of life, to get each other’s back, not to act like one person must do one role no matter how hard and heavy it becomes for them. Nor should we act like doing certain tasks is degrading.
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8 thoughts on “Who Does the Housework?: Marriage Issues”
This is truly enlightening! Would definitely share it, because there are far too many people (both men and women) who really think that the housework is for women and women obliged to it..
Thank you for this great piece..
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Please do share. We need to stop this kind of thinking. Thank you for reading!
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Assalamu aleikum sister! Well said! This is an issue that Muslim couples need to discuss and find a common ground. Alhamdullilah in out household, we’re on the same wavelength. Masha’Allah.
Walaikum Asalam. That is a blessing, MashAllah. I think there should be a marriage seminar for Muslim couples who wish to marry that explains this. We have too many cultural and personal expectations that do not line up with the sunnah and cause hardship for both parties.
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I agree, a seminar is a great idea. Maybe we should start one. I hope I can live up to it lol. Yea, cultural baggage tends to overshadow the sunnah. Subhanallah.
As Salam alaikum. This was a great post.
My husband and I have been through every situation possible when it comes to housework. Most of our marriage he has been the one who works while I stayed home. Then we went through a short period where he was unable to work so I worked and he stayed home. Currently we run a business together and both work from home. In all cases we have seemed to naturally split the housework according to our situation without even have to discuss it. Allhumdulliah, we have truly been blessed in this regard.
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MashaAllah! A great post and, as usual, I just feel balanced and happy when I read your posts! 🙂
Thank you for being out there ❤
Thank you for saying that! You made my day ❤