Patience in an Abusive Marriage?: Podcast ep. 2

Podcasted by Kaighla Um Dayo and Theresa Corbin


Too many Muslims are suffering (and forcing their kids to suffer) in an abusive marriage, often under the belief and delusion that somehow Allah loves those who patiently endure abuse at the hands of their spouse. Or, they believe that what they are suffering isn’t *exactly* abuse. Or, worse, they have been told by religious leaders and family members to “stay for the sake of the kids and have patience”.

Here, we refute all these myths.

At minute 1:45, we discuss a terrific book but Kaighla forgot the name of the author. Turns out it was Ibn Al-Qayyim.

At minute 7:35 we delve into the topic of qawwamun and Kaighla vaguely references “The Qu’ran” which she is wont to do. Here is the specific ayah.

“Men are (meant to be righteous and kind) guardians of women because God has favored some more than others and because they (i.e. men) spend out of their wealth. (In their turn) righteous women are (meant to be) devoted and to guard what God has (willed to be) guarded even though out of sight (of the husband)…”(Surah 4:34)

At minute 14:00 we discuss the oft-quoted argument that it’s haraam to advise someone to divorce their spouse, and why that doesn’t apply in the context of an abusive marriage.

At minute 17:00 we discuss how Allah is always on the side of the oppressed, never the side of the oppressor, and some of the consequences of oppressing people.

During Theresa’s Tip, at minute 22:00, we cite a 2010 Time Magazine study that said 62% of Americans have never met a Muslim and have an unfavorable view of Islam and Muslims.

At minute 30:00, we discuss the topic of fardh ayn vs. fardh kifayeh.

For a great book that helps women understand their situation with abusive husbands, check this out. 

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